What a bemused evening..!!


(Here's another fiction coming your way.)


Mr. Barack Obama, walking across me and Mr. George Bush( 2 spoilt brats) sitting by in one of the well known pubs in Washington. We were out vexing Mr. Obama.
Bush – “ Is the kid old enough to get a ‘driving license’ of his own ??”

Me – “ His aunt, Hillary would drive him, don’t you worry.”

Bush – “ Oh!, so Bill must be happy that his wife’s finally employed, eh !! Muahahaha ……. ”
Mr. Obama turned towards us, digged his gun out and and shot at us and said – “Obama..........Barack Obama..” Within seconds, we were both transported to hell.



My cell phone rang, I sprung out of my bed, muttering “ again, the same dream !! Oh God.!!.”
I answered the phone, on the other side was my childhood crony, Roshan.

Roshan – “ It is 6pm now. You were supposed to be here by 5pm assisting me in arrangements for today’s re-union party at my home.”

Me – “ Oh yeah. Sorry, I was busy vexing Mr. Barack Obama.”

Roshan – “What?”

Me – “Nothing, nothing.”

Roshan – “ You ass, make it fast. ”

Me – “ You bet, I’ll be there in 5 mins.” We hung up.

My phone showed me some news – ‘5 missed calls from my girl – Nikitha(my classmate from school)’. I had coined her a shitty nick name – ‘Nikks’, inspired by bollywood movies, you see.
Anyway, I took the risk of calling her up.
She – “ What were you upto whole afternoon?? What is with your stupid phone? Why din’t you receive ?”
Too many questions at a time for a poor guy.

Me – “I was busy studying for exams. Kept my cell phone far away so that I’m not distracted. You’ve got to concentrate you see. ”

She – “ Very funny. I wasn’t born yesterday. See you at the party, you idiot.” For the favour of me coining a nick name, she’s made a countless number of such ones for me. Presently its ‘idiot’.

I may take this occasion to say that we are the most light-hearted couples around. That literally means, I can get away with almost anything.

Anyway, after the tedious process of ‘ selective and smart dressing’, I reached Roshan’s place, eventually after 1 hour. The party was a re-union of a few of our classmates in school. All arranged by the ‘socially active’, presently furious over me and an extrovert Mr. Roshan.

Me – “ Hii..!! ”

Roshan – “ Fuck you. ”

Me – “Ya. . whatever. So what have I got to do now? Has the food arrived?”

Roshan – “Everything’s already arranged, you ass.” ( I would have, under normal circumstances smacked him on his nose for addressing me a ‘ass’ for the second time. But, I’m a born gentleman. Anyway, the world is busy coining nick names.)

Just to play with him a little more, I said – “ The arrangements look awful.”

The intelligent Roshan realized, it was of no use and hence just walked away without a word.

Meanwhile, the hall had filled in it’s capacity with pompous people. The congregation looked good. It was nice meeting all these guys after ages. Hugs & enquiries were all around. Non-punctual Nikks wasn’t here yet. My first crush, Shreya was here, accompanied with her boy friend. The world has lost all it’s ‘singles’, I wondered. Everyone dinned at her presence in the party. She was staring at me, with a sweet smile. We were rekindling the never lost, perpetual, clandestine chemistry between us. I reciprocated the stare and the smile. Like all guys, her boyfriend was observing this. So, I went forward to talk to him.

Me – “Hi, you remember me? I am Arjun”

Him – “Of Course. You remember me? I’m Raj.”

Me – “Yes, I do.” Not at all.
Enough of him, now to Shreya.

Me – “Hey, how have been doing? Longtime…… ” My eyes said – You look gorgeous in black.

She – “I’m good. You ?”

Me – “I’m good too. Where do u put up now?” You look very pretty with loose hair.

She – “Same place. Where’s Nikks?”

Me – “She’ll be here anytime now.” You still look awesome.

Meanwhile, somebody pinched me on my back. It was Nikks. “ Hello everyone”, she announced her presence. Gorgeous Shreya & the boy with bollywood’s favourite name ‘Raj’, responded. I just smiled.

Alongside, I observed a guy (my ex-classmate, of course), sitting in a corner, with a dull face. He never ventured to speak to others. He was sitting isolated, he seemed intimidated. God knows why. He was off-color. With this sight, I almost missed Shreya ji asking me – “ Can you show me to the hand wash?”
Me – "yeah sure. Follow me.” Your hair spray smells great.

On the way, I again noticed that guy, still sitting battered. After showing her the way, I approached the guy and said – “ Hey, You are Rajesh right? I’m Arjun. How are you? Why are you sitting alone?’
He din’t reply. Din’t even bother to look at me.

I continued – “ Shall I get you something to drink?”
Again, no answer, no reaction.

Disgusted by his cavalier attitude, I said firmly – “See dude, this is a party. We are here to enjoy. Cheer up. Nobody wants to see you this way.”
He finally turned towards me. He was alive.
He said “I am madly in love with a girl since 3 years now. She’s here. I want to propose my love to her.”

Me – wow, that’s great. What better time and place to do so. Go on my boy, go on.”
I saw a smile and a cheer on his face, finally.

Me – “Go on. Go on. I’m there for you.”

Him – “Thanks.”

Me – “ Who’s the girl?”

He din’t reply. Instead, he started hurling across the hall, and went straight to Nikks and said to her - “Hey Nikitha, I’ve been madly in love with you since 3 years now. Please do accept my proposal. I’ll go mad without you. Ask Arjun if you doubt me . He propagated me to come up here to you.”

"Dear almighty"

All the eye-balls in the hall gaped at me. I was ‘out-of-stock’ for reactions.


1 hour later, on the way back, me driving, in my car, with a question mark stamped on my forehead. Nikks, seated next to me, still laughing her life out. Shreya and Raj seated behind, with Shreya emanating stares at me through the ‘rear-view’ mirror. Mr.Raj carelessly looking out of the window.

“What a bemused evening….!!!”

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Rendezvous (Out) Of Sorts - 2

(There was an earlier post of mine- Rendezvous (out) Of Sorts. This one is it’s sequel. Hollywood style, you see. You can read that one before you start reading this. If you feel that is too torturous a thing to do, never mind. Read on. And yes, it’s yet another fiction.)






Scene- I was walking my way to the ‘parking area’ of a crowded mall after watching a movie in one of the multiplexes in the same mall. As I was walking along, I spotted my friend rushing through people, with a worried, puzzled look on his face. It seemed as if he was running for life.

Me – “Hey buddy, what’s up?? What happened??”

Him – “White-house….White-house…..Where is the white-house??”, he yelled and cruised into the adjacently located restroom.

Five minutes later I notice him making his way out, wearing an expression, which suggested that he had just experienced the best part of life. He finally took notice of my existence and approached me.

Me – “I thought that was Taj-Mahal !! ”

Him – “No. The one at your home and mine are called Taj-Mahals’. A public toilet is a White-House.”

Me – “Welcome to ‘your stupid world of logicality’.”
He thought that was a joke and laughed.

Him – “Come here for a movie eh??”

Me – “Yeah, with my friend. And before you ask, it’s a guy. What are you upto here?”

Him – “Me just come for shopping with mom.”

Me – “ Your mom is here?? Then I’m outta here. Bye.”

Knowing her mom, who is famous for ‘blowing steam’ into one’s ears, I wanted to vanish out of sight as quickly as possible. So, I quickly turned and rushed but ended up almost bumping onto his mom. We were standing face to face now, with my face drowned in shock. I laughed at my bad luck. I would have cried if I was a child. Get ready to face the Devil’s Advocate, I announced in my mind.

She – “Oh, It’s you..!!”

Me – “ Yeah, it’s me.”, Mr.Noluck.

She – “Do you smoke?”
Where did this question come out off??

Me – “No.” Yes.

She – “I saw you smoking in your balcony the other day.”

Me – “Well okay, once in a while.”

This is one lady who derives extreme pleasures in bullying me. Her version of my bio-data suggests some un-mentionable stuff. All thanks to her son, one heck of a liar. That too a complete head-less, foolish one at it. The weirdest part is – he makes me a part of all his false stories. If you intend to search for a silver lining, here it is – he lies only to his mom.

I looked at him. He was busy typing away on his phone. My mind as ever, is foreboding something in-auspicious, which by the way isn’t such a difficult thing to do when his mom is around. My ever vigilant mind sent out warning signals which said – “Get out of that place, you ass.”

She – “So, how did your Birthday celebrations go?”

Another question out of the blue, nevertheless a dangerous question. I looked at him again, tougher this time. Just then I received a text message on my phone. It was from him. It read – “Last Sunday was your B’day. You treated me in ‘Coffee Day’. The girl sitting next to me was your girl-friend. I was accompanying her when you were in the white-house. That’s when my mom spotted me. Okay? Got it ?”
I stared at him and my awestruck eyes said – “ Screw your ass, you asshole.” He was gazing at the roof.

She – “How was your Birthday celebrations, Mister?”

Me – “It was good, aunty. I spent the evening with him and my girlfriend at ‘Coffee Day’.”

She – “ You have a girlfriend?”

Me – “Yes.” No.

She – “Anyway, we must be leaving now. But I still don’t trust you fellows. Lucky, you got away this time. See ya, Bye.”

Me – “Bye.” which in the exact tone meant – ‘please leave, I’m tired of you both.’

After bidding ‘good-bye’ and ‘finger gesturing’ my dear friend, I turned and headed home, rather pleased. My head is still held upright and I’m not pissed off even after meeting her, wow! a first time for me. I also had this silly feeling of my self-confidence being re-instated.

At home, I went to bed thinking about my friend, his mom and today’s incident, if you can call it so. As similar thoughts passed by, I received a text message on my cell and hell it was from him. It read – “This is your dear friend’s mother. Your friend forgot to delete his ‘Sent’ folder of messages and went to bed. My dear friend, I suggest you to write a book on how you got screwed every time you lied to an intelligent lady. Good Night. Better Luck next time.”
Screw the intelligent lady & her ‘not at all’ intelligent son. I learnt a lesson – Delete all the messages in your phone then and there. I did so not realizing that I had deleted my ‘examination time-table’ message also (for which I kicked myself later) and went to bed.

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Dear Mr.Pushy..


When a relatively old lady with a forceful and a 30 year old professional smile( I guessed) said “ Welcome On-Board Sir ”, I was reminded it was an ‘Indian Airlines' flight and she was the air hostess. Yes, I was leaving to Mumbai on a business trip. Like a kid I had asked for a window seat which took them 15 minutes to allot. Anyway, I found the seat & settled. An aero-plane isn’t a right place for restless people like me. I grabbed a few peanuts & my radio head-set from my bag. The RJ, with an apparent hyper-excited tone said “ Good Morning Bangalore…” followed by some crap and a ‘day ruining’ song. My reflex actions were enough to switch off the radio. My theory on RJs – ‘Good Morning was their only line which made sense’, gained weight. The seat next to me was still empty. All my travel companions till date were men above 50, with whom I end up discussing politics. Maybe the person who allots my seat takes revenge on me for insisting on a window seat.!

Just as it was getting boring, I saw a person with round ‘Mahatma Gandhi’ like glasses, ‘L.K Advani’ like bald head & ‘Charlie Chaplin’ like walk, entering in. He was my lecturer in college for whom I had written a note – “ You Suck” along with my name in capitals, on the last day of college. He spotted me from the distance & waved. I couldn’t even manage a sheepish smile. I am a Gentleman. All the memories of him & college scanned through my mind like a high-speed slide show.

“I am from the air-force and I was a commander” was his routine dialogue in the class. And hence we named him ‘wing-less commander’. He, once pushed me into the principal’s office for not completing my assignment on time. So, I gave him an exclusive name- “Mr. Pushy”. He never liked me since Day 1 , the day when I came late & said “tyre puncture” not realizing that two other guys who were also late but earlier to me had the same reason to say. Poor little me, Joker of Day 1. The day when me and my friends bunked college to watch a movie, he called up only my dad & told him that he had spotted me in a theatre. I still can’t forget the giggle that got out of my dad & mom the same evening when my dad told me about the call & I raised a serious doubt – “ What was he doing near the theatre?”. Anyway, bottom line – He never liked me & I never liked him. Hence I had to hate my answer scripts and it’s evaluation.

Back to the present, he approached me and hell, his seat was next to mine. He had two bags with two striking locks to it of which I assumed the codes would be ‘007’. After looking after the safety of his precious bags, he sat, we smiled but said nothing. The aircraft, after running through the taxiway slowly entered into the main runway for take-off. I broke the ice and enquired “ Sir, do you remember me?”

“I’m not human if I’d forget you”, he said.
I was confused if that was a compliment. The plane gathered speed and just as it took off, he said – “ I SUCKED…”
The plane took off & we both broke into laughter. The journey went absolutely fine and I had found a new friend by the end of it.

(Hey guys, sorry I got it wrong in few logics like-using FM radio on an aero-plane isn't allowed and carrying 2 bags isn't allowed too. It was fiction and my senses were out in the loo....Anyway, I hope u concentrated more on the story..)

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5 Winks....




For the first time I’ve been tagged (thanks to manorath). It’s about five cadres of people who irritate me or the five cadres – ‘I love to hate’. Here it goes….


1.

School Children Who Never Grew Up – A Wink


These are arcane people who go on orchestrating – “ I haven’t studied anything, I think I’ll flunk in exams” and end up being the toppers of the class leaving behind people like me, cheated & ruined of hopes. “Oh u got 80% ?? I scored very less, 90% ” another of their trademark dialogues. I terribly feel enticed to force their faces into a small tank of water & whack them on their backs until the truth is accepted. Over the years, I’ve developed a strategy of “ Screw them at sight” and ended up successful. (Take note, my followers..!!). You would have noticed in a few other posts of mine as well.

2.

“I Have The Best, Not You…” – A Wink


I know a few guys who belong to this ‘hate instigating’ cadre. These are morons who say – “ Sony is better when I buy Samsung & say Samsung is better when I buy Sony.” Sadist & insatiable minded dissidents they are. Hope these ‘back seat drivers’ grow up and start appreciating others for what they are worthy of.

3.

Children Like Competitors Who Never Grew Up – A Wink


Okay, lets start with an example- I say – “ Hey listen, Brad Pitt is gonna play a super hero in his next movie.” And the reply comes- “ Yeaaahhh of course, I know…(in one of the world’s top ten irritating tones)”, when they wouldn’t have even had a clue about it. More girls fall into this category. I fight a losing battle not to piss them off in all possible ways but only in vain. Hey, I realize why I still don’t have a girl friend.

4.

Disgusting habits Which Never Changed – A Wink


This category of people are ‘New Entries’ but strong contenders for a spot in the top3 . I recently had been to my friend’s place when they offered me coffee to be had alongside their family members. This fellow (my friend) started sipping that coffee with a weird, disgusting sound which was then followed by their whole family emanating a kind of DTS effect. It was one of those rare instances when I, out of ultimate disgust left the house in a hurry as if there was a national emergency or something. The same night, I had a dream of taking them all to ‘Coffee Day’. Unbelievable me..!!

5.

“I wont Read Yours But You Read Mine” – Another Wink


Then crawling up to no.5 are spammers who spam on the ‘comments page’ of my blog. “Nice post and a nice blog yar. Do visit mine on www.spamrascals.com ”. I would rather prefer them not commenting. “ My dear Lord, please save them from my curses..!!”


( These were the 5 cadres of people. But, by fact every person would have negatives. It also depends on one’s perspective. Maybe even I’m the sacred cow in another blog. So, I wouldn’t say I hate these cadres of people but would just like to say I observe them, pity them, wink & carry on.)

Now i would tag the following people -

Matangi Mawley)


Priceless Junk - Priya

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Love In Those Salad Days



(Here’s another fiction. Me as Mr.V’, a Software Professional traveling back to his home town after nearly ten years to meet all his relatives, childhood friends and eventually his (ex)girlfriend. )





My car’s speedo read 120 kms/hr. Cricket commentary running on my car radio. Heaviest rainfall of the season lashing and literally beating down. I was driving back to my hometown after a gap of 10 years.

“India, batting first are yet to lose a wicket with 2 runs on the board after the completion of 1 over.” the commentator announced.

Well, it has been ten years since I last visited my town, ten years since I visited my relatives, ten years since I watched a movie in one of those movie tents and ten long years since I met my girlfriend. She is married now but I can’t somehow muster to say ‘ex-girlfriend’. But wait, none of us could express it to one another , so it was more a kind of vandalism(on my part atleast). Every time I made up my mind to express my love I would put it off with the fear of losing her even as a friend, which eventually landed me into a mess in my life. What foolish people we were……!! Nowadays I get paranoid about her with questions such as -if she had ever loved me or if she ever had such feelings for me. I had always had this assumption that she loved me as much as I did. It definitely appeared so.

“India score 60 for the loss of 2 wickets after 10 overs.” The rain was incessantly pouring down. My car’s wipers were wiping in full swing. Still zooming away I was……………

I still can’t forget the day of her marriage. I sort of repent attending the wedding. It was such a painful thing to be there. How could she not realize my love. I just couldn’t accept that it was a mistake on my part not to convey my love. But why didn’t she do the same??. Anyways, I never visited nor talked to her after that. I realized that my worst fears had come true. Amidst all this I also had this filmi feeling that she should stay happy wherever she was and I should never tell her about my feelings that were towards her.

“India score 140 after the completion of 25 overs with the loss of 3 wickets.” Not bad, I thought. Still raining………….

All the fun we had together, all the wonderful sweets she used to prepare for me, all the never-ending conversations we had, all secret meetings during festivals and all the stares we exchanged during classes, oh how can I forget all those feelings of inchoate love. She had an unforgettable winsome smile. What’s heartening is that there was this innocence in our relationship. I realize that now after I witnessed so many break ups in my present place, a city. Life’s different in a city. And I’m not spared too in the change of lifestyles. SIMPLE and COMPLICATED are two words to describe life in a village/town and a city respectively.
Anyway, I was ambivalent if I have to meet her after a long gap or not. And moreover the main difference of now she being married. I was on tenterhooks. I actually wasn’t really looking forward to it.

“India score 270 for 8 after their quota of 50 overs. Target set is 271.” The score’s ‘okey-dokey’ I said to myself. The rain reduced to a drizzle now…….

I now entered my town, came across my primary school building, which hadn’t changed an iota since my school days. With the dilemma of whether to meet her or not and after more than 2 hours of ‘mind contemplation’ I concluded that I would pass by the street where she stays and if I find her I would talk to her or else ‘forget it’. It was hard cheese for me. I entered the street and proceeded dead slow, recognized her home and had a glance over it and even passed it after finding no one. Just when I thought she wasn’t there, I heard a loud female voice calling me by name. I looked back, it was her hurrying towards me from her small garden. I stopped and got down my car. She came running, she looked so excited to see me after almost a decade, she almost hugged me when she suddenly came back to senses and enquired- “ How are you? Where had you been all these days? I’m so happy to see you today….”
With few more of such enquiries and not so realistic replies from both sides, I decided I must move on. I get quite sensitive and emotional during such circumstances.
I had a nettlesome feel in me which I experienced for the first time in my life. A feel of pain and happiness at the same time. Pain that she wasn’t mine and happiness for she was settled happily.
I said – “I have to leave now. I’ll see you some other time.” rather bluntly and got back into my car.

“India lose the match convincingly. Life becomes very difficult for them after this disastrous series. ” said the commentator. How is my life different , I thought…

Just as I brought the car to ignition, she came close to me and asked rather softly – “On the day of my marriage I observed you being so dull and depressed. And when I came to talk to you, your face and body totally drenched in the rain, why did you just go away? ”

My answer was simple- “It wasn’t only the rain which had drenched my face that day…”

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The Poor or Beggars.....??




The traffic signal falls to RED. I switched off my car only to look around the ‘not so interesting’ place. I wouldn’t look to my left as I didn’t want a ‘mouth watering’ session to happen as it usually happens when I see Mc.Donalds. So that meant I was empty enough to emanate a stare at two pretty girls passing by. Who said it’s a ‘not so interesting’ place.! Next, I would contemplate the side on my right and that is when I almost got lurched when I encountered the sudden sight of this woman begging, knocking on my window shield. She had a baby with her as well. She appeared awful& battered. It certainly appeared it wasn’t easy for the destitute woman & the child to fend for themselves and survive.

Her eyes had a story to tell, obviously ‘Poverty’ written all over it. I assume the eyes said – ‘ Look at me struggle in this heat. Homeless I am. I make a day with no more than what u spend on a single meal. And look at the pathetic state of my baby. Please donate something’.
Almost oblivious of her presence , staring at her, I was lost in another world of thoughts altogether. Assuming my silent stare to be supercilious ignorance her face began to wear a different look now. The story of her eyes was seeing twists now. I assume those eyes now said- ‘What is that stare all about? You rich, parsimonious people think about donating a negligible little amount so much.! How does it matter to you people anyway? What fulsomely atrocious people you are.! Curses to you’.

Well, if it was a month ago, I would have made a generous donation and felt ecstatic for having done a great deed. It was an article in a newspaper which ignited a thought on my perception towards beggars. I had read – Woman rent months’ old babies for begging to attract sympathy, which they hope materializes to ‘money’. How depressing.! That was when I took umbrage on beggars. Just a bunch of lazy brats is how I can describe them best now. Maybe the old are exceptions. I realize helping ‘beggars’ is different to helping the ‘poor’. I also realize that my past ‘apparent good deeds’ now reads as ‘Encouraging Beggary’.

Anyway back to the present, the woman still agonizingly staring, not willing to budge but yet hopeful. I downed the window shield hyping her hopes. But all I had in store was this innocent, irritating smile, the smile that I employ when I ask my dad for pocket money, the smile that pisses off one and all. If her eyes said stories, so did my smile. Done with the smile, unable to prevent a glance at the Mc.Donalds, with no more pretty girls to stare at, I drove off…..

Now tell me what should I do the next time a beggar approaches me...

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Oh Noo.....Not Again....




“Good Morning ! You can use the bathroom first today” said my smiling sister. My God ! I can’t handle such big surprises that early in the morning. For the first time in my life , I reached college with 30 mins for the bell. Then came the good news – “The last date for submission of assignments is extended by 2 days ”. For once I felt – “ The world is so nice , lecturers are so sweet & I’m so very lucky ”. I reached my classroom & as a routine walked up to the guy who is the topper of my class to kindle him off and said – “ Hey buddy, ask me if you have any doubts. I teach better than girls ”. With a Charlie Chaplin look on his face, he replied – “ Are you alright ? ” . I un-temptingly refrained to say – “ You egg-headed rascal . You minus the ‘ syllabus in your head ’ equals only a Papaya seed. (Wow, that was too complex even for me. But actually I always wanted to say such facts to him as he perpetually pisses me off). Then entered my lecturer with the ‘Examination Result Sheets’ . To my surprise, I was announced as the class topper this time. Elated I became. Everyone started clapping hands and I felt augmented & happy, though I always felt ‘clapping hands’ was a silly, childish gesture when I was on the other side.

I was over the moon & everything seemed so rosy-rosy. Just then I heard some weird sounds tickling my mind. I contemplated the sounds for a while only to end up shouting- “ Oh Shit , it’s my alarm & I’m still on the bed ”. I just couldn’t convince myself that it was all just a dream.

“ Oh Noo….. Not Again…”

“I’m using the bathroom first ” said my kind sister. Asusually, I reached college with just 5 mins for the bell. The last date for submission of assignments wasn’t delayed. Not for once I felt- “Such a battered world , lecturers are atrociously sulky & I’m ‘light years’ away from being lucky ”. I went straight to Mr.Topper and asked- “ Dude, completed the assignment? ”. He said- “ Ofcourse. Submitted yesterday itself. You didn’t ? Don’t worry, ma’am will screw you ”. My lips were rattling with countless special words. I recalled the ‘complex dialogue’ of my dream and said it straight. Before he could even understand it, ma’am (aka terrorist) stormed in with the results sheets in her hand. To my awful luck, I was right in her way when she almost bumped into me. It was then she realised that I’m a ‘not so favourite’ student of her & asked- “ Where is the assignment?”
“Kick my bad luck to the core” I thought but said “ I wrote it but forgot to get it” .
She wore this expression on her face which reflected a thousand synonyms of ‘Get Out’ .
She said- “ Haha, nice joke but an old joke. Get Out”.

So, that meant I had the privilage to visit the library, where I came up with this small, silly poem –

Sleeping in the bed cozy-cozy
Everything seemed so rosy-rosy
Entered into reality
Now everything looks hazy-hazy

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A Rendezvous (Out) Of Sorts ...

(After two emotional posts , another fiction, on a lighter side this time. )





Scene – Feb 14th , I am driving to my friend’s place and I’m already late by half an hour . My cell phone ringing , it was him ----

Me – “Hello ! ”

Him – “You still in the car ? ”

Me – “No, I’m running alongside it . ”

Him – “You must have reached here by now . I’m waiting . Where are you ? ”

Me – “On the way ”

Him – “Okay , where exactly are you ? ”

Me – “ In the car ”

Him – “ Okay , where’s the fuckin’ car ? ”

Me – “Street 29 . 2 mins ”

We hung up . I reached his home , found him and shook hands .

Me – “ Happy Valentines’ Day ..”

Him – “Happy Independence Day. You are single right? ”

Me – “Yup.Where’s your valentine ? ”

Him – “ With her valentine . I’m ‘ex’ now . ”

Me – “ Oh , where’s the party ? ”

Him – “You teasing me?? ”

Me – “ No , I don’t tease ‘betrayed bachelors’ u see . I only pity them . ”

Him – “ Shut Up ”

Me – “ Okay , what’s the reason you insisted me in coming here ?”

Him – “ Just a casual meeting over a cup of coffee ”

Me – “ It sounds like – Do me a favour and I’ll treat with you with coffee. ”

Him – “You are smart ”

Me – “ Well , I’m here to meet you , am I still smart ? ”

Him – “ Over Smart ”

Me – “ What can I do for you ? ”

Him – “ Dude , I flunked in 2 subjects . My mom literally blew steam into my ears whole night last night. ”

I was about to laugh out loud but for a gentleman I was , I din’t .

Me – “ So you aren’t joining us for the weekend picnic ? ”

Him – “ I want to, but you should convince my mom . ”

Me – “ No way . She is terror man, terror . How can I forget that day when she blew fire (not steam) when I wore a low waist jeans and stupidly gestured – ‘ It’s Fashion ’. I’m only glad that she din’t cane me .

Him – “Hey come on , please . One last favour for me , please .”

Me – “The fourth ‘last favour’. Okay , I shall try . ”

Him – “ One more thing ”

Me – “ Dangerous thing . What’s that ? ”

Him – “ I lied to her that you’ve flunked in 3 subjects. ”

Me – “ Dude , you are shit . Any other lie about me ? ”

Him – “Sorry . No . ”

We went in to meet her . There was something foreboding about this whole thing . Meanwhile , she was blasting at her cook . I heard her shout – “ Why is there less sweet in the sweet ? ” . Whatever that is . Finally , we entered the dragon , she saw me & we greeted each other .

His Mom – “ Looks like a ‘Failed Students’ conference . Can I know what is the agenda ? ”

Me – “ Nothing like that aunty . We are planning to go to Goa this weekend . Came for your permission . ”

His Mom – “ Oh , I thought he told me it’s to tirupathi ”

Oh shit . I was lost for bad words for my dear friend .

Me – “ Oh ya , Tirupathi ”

His Mom – “ Seems like your rehearsals din’t go right . I don’t like you people lying at me . ”

Me – “ Sorry aunty ”

His Mom – “ Okay , I’ll ask you one question . You answer me right now & I’ll consider about the permission . ”

After a minute’s pause

Me – “ Okay , go on. ”

His Mom – “ Where was my son last evening ? ”

Oh God , a liar what he was , I din’t have an idea as to what he had told his mother . I looked at his silly face wanting to kill him. I deduced that telling her “ I don’t know ” would be a safe bet .

Me – “ I don’t know aunty”

His Mom – “He said he was at your place for combined study and you yourself didn’t know about that. That’s Great . ” She continued “ No picnic , nothing . Liars . ”

Totally pissed off at his sillyness, his mother’s ‘adding insult to injury’ programme and my stupidness to go there in the first place , I drove back home .

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A Journey To Nostalgia...




On a blustery , cloudy evening , sitting in my balcony , smelling the wet sand , sipping away a mug full of hot evening coffee , watching school children play in the small puddles that were formed after the rain , the high school girls carrying colorful umbrellas walking along the street giggling along , “Oh my…..!! Feels so nostalgic” . I was mesmerized into a valley of thoughts, feelings and sweet memories . I was in mood to rejuvenate. “Wow , Childhood was fun ….” .
Those days are over . Those days when mummy used to tell moral stories at night before going to bed . Those days when I waited for my dad till he comes back from work to take me for a ride on his bike . Those days when my grand parents used to take me to a children’s park every evening . Those days when I cried when my teacher punished me . Oh, so many…….....

Maybe I enjoy re-living it now more than how I felt then . But no denying that it was the best part of my life . Life is a journey . Both good and bad memories are a part of that journey . But the fact is – ‘Bad memories makes the sweet ones sweeter’ . By now I invented that re-living childhood memories is the most efficient stress buster . I was in no mood to end my nostalgic journey . So , I decided to walk to my primary school which is just a stroll away from my place.

Walking down the street , I observed a lady and a small girl with her . The girl was crying for an ice-cream after seeing another kid having one . Couldn’t prevent a smile on my face . I also came across an old woman kissing her grandchild on her cheek for reciting a rhyme . I was on a smiling spree . My second invention of the evening – A stroll across a street isn’t actually boring .

I reached the school , entered it with permission . It was empty as it was almost 6 in the evening . I passed through the basket ball court recollecting that we used to play everything other than basket ball there. I walked through the assembly hall , my class rooms and the playground . School friends , incidents involving them , all those memories kept popping up simultaneously . It was once that I said that my dad was an AGM in a company when my friend told his dad was the GM , unaware that GM was a higher post . Luckily he din’t know that too . Another reason to smile though . Anyway , I was feeling so blissful about the whole evening . I started heading back home wondering how life changes with time , how even bad memories manage to bring out a smile and how time moves so fast.

I was lost in a totally different world altogether . The world of past , innocence , pure affection and love . Just then I got a call on my cell phone . It was my friend – “ Hey , How about a movie tomorrow Morning Show uh?? ” . Yes , that ended my ‘ Journey to Nostalgia ’. After a short sojourn of the past, I was back to the real ,pestiferous, present world . Cell phones , movies , bikes , lap-tops ………….more gadgets , less time for feelings , apparent fun but less or no fun , responsibilities , competition and a monotonous life . With people factitiously getting ‘broad minded’ and ‘modernized’ ,it’s become hard to find a seat for human values .The world is getting dissolute. Whatever it is , Human Beings are fallible & The World is still a beautiful place to live in . It’s only that we have to live and re-live our experiences to enhance freshness in life.
And ofcourse I watched the movie the next day .


(P.S – Its my first shot at fiction . A ‘goal’ or a ‘miss’ is for you to say …..
Cheers..!! )

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I CALL IT FATE...



It was Winter , it was a Saturday and it was six in the evening . It was one of those days when I just couldn’t find company for a Saturday evening outing . For me , a Saturday without an outing is like a ‘ Coffee without Sugar ‘ .After all the ideas draining out of my mind , I decided I should be adding sugar(to the coffee) all by myself and hence got up, got dressed and left with the destination undecided .

As I was walking down the lane , I observed that none of my neighbours were around . I had a stupid imagination of them partying in a club . There was a feeling of freshness intilled in me maybe because of the weather which was asusually (in Bangalore) so romantic . The Orange evening sky , a cool breeze which was kind of soothing my senses and the chirping birds which left me feeling peaceful made for a perfect evening . The poet in me was in flowing form. Or maybe it was one of those silly imaginations of mine (untolerable says my sister ) . Anyway , I put a full stop to my ‘in-form’ imaginations and proceeded .

Just as I moved a few paces , I noticed a familiar face looking at me in excitement . I could recognize that he was my primary school classmate . He approached me and said “ Heyy , Arjun right ? ”

“Yeah”

“You remember me ? ”

“Ofcourse Naveen ”

“Heyyy , I’m Sachin ”

(Uff!! Not again ….)
“Oh ya ya , sorry ”

“Haha , You are still the same .!! ”

Strolling along the pavement , we made few more enquiries and exchanged memories of our school days and our teachers . He was so excited about our unexpected rendezvous . We entered a near by park and we did the ‘ Walk the Talk ’ . Though it was long time since we met , we developed very good chemistry between us . He already made it to my ‘Good Friends’ list .
He offered to have some Tea , which he still remembers that it was my favourite drink . While sipping the tea , he invited me for a picnic that he was to go with his friends the next day .It was to some WaterFall . I was busy with a family function the next day , so told him I can’t make it . We left it at that . He had so many things to say about our school . He was up to date with all it’s advancements . After some more talking and walking , we decided to disperse . I told him “Lets catch up on Monday , I’ll take you to my place ” .
He said “ Sure ”.
We shook hands & departed . More than happy with the evening’s proceedings, the freshness still intact on me , the poet in me asleep, I headed home looking forward to meet him on Monday .


And Monday evening I get a call saying “ Sachin is no more . He drowned in a WaterFall near Mysore”.

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WHEN TRP RATINGS MATTER ...

The Role that has been played by the Media in the present political system is immense , especially in a ‘Developing’ and a ‘Democratic’ country like India. It has rightly earned it’s position as the fourth pillar in any democracy of the world , more significantly in India . I believe there is an association between the ‘ developing media ‘ and the ‘social changes’ that are taking place . Though I’m still not sure about the degree of its association . But yes , Media , especially the Electronic Media’
has brought a change .
It has been tremendous in highlighting the cases of such as Jessica Lal ,Manjunath and so on .

But just as I say that , with so many News Channels having come up , I believe they are much into business of popularity nowadays . The order of the day has become ‘Sensationalism’ . With TRP ratings playing a major role , it’s become more a commercial business now .

It gets really disgusting when I see ‘ Abhishekh-Aishwarya ‘ marriage being so madly hyped , when I see “ Brad Pitt gets a new hair style “ as a headline , when I see 30min programmes about the triangle love story of Dhoni,Deepika and Yuvraj and when I see ‘ Rakhi Sawanth with her weeping skills and all her cheap tricks for public popularity and sympathy , fooling the electronic media around .
It attracts more viewership , TRP ratings increase , more ads , more money . No place for ethics anymore.
Sorry to say , this has become a trend with few of the channels . I learned from another blog that such Journalism is called ' Yellow Journalism ' .

But the point I’m trying to make is that , it’s important to strike a balance between all this . The right balance between taking up issues of National Interest , Voicing the poor , Entertainment and Creating Awareness .

It would be then that the ‘Indian Media’ can make a world of difference in the upliftment of this country .


“ HISTORY ON THE RUN IS JOURNALISM "

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When I Had To Wait , Wait And Wait..............

I was counting the number of autorickshaws passing by on the road . I also played a game of golf , which I din't even know existed in my cell phone . I was looking at my watch every now and then very restlessly .
If you are wondering why I was upto all such wierd things , Well , I was waiting outside a saree showroom for my mother , who was shopping inside from more than 90 minutes now. I had the feeling it was the longest 90 mins of my life.

By now , the watchman of the showroom was my friend . I told him to suggest his manager to have an air-conditioned ' waiting room ' for men with berths and a T.V . He thought it was a joke and laughed. I observed that he couldn't bare with my sillyness , which came from restlesness. So, I went back to the car , listened to some ' apparently hyper excited ' RJs' & some familiar songs on the radio and also discovered another new game in my cell phone .

Ok, enough is enough . I thought I'll storm into the showroom and pull my mother and my aunt ( who was accompanying her ) into the car and drive away.
With this rush of blood , I got out of the car , banged the door back and walked towards the entrance in ' Rajnikanth Style ' . Just as I was entering , I saw them coming out . Suddenly , I became cold and I din't know what to say .
I asked " Did you buy the showroom ? "
"Haha , No . 3 sarees . "
"So 100 minutes divided by 3 .................................."

With this mental calculation on my mind, I turned the car towards the ' Entry ' gate instead of the ' Exit 'gate . Another car was coming in ,we both applied sudden brakes . He yelled- " Kannu Kaansalva ? ". I said " Sorry " and turned the car back and exited through the exit gate.

Asusually the roads were ' chock-o-block ' with vehicles , which din't help my restlesness. I was grumbling at everyone . Just then , I saw a person crossing the road right royally like a king , signalling me to stop . I purposefully increased my speed and applied the brakes at the last minute , giving him what you call a ' jhalak ' . He said in a rowdy tone - " Yake guru ,road cross madtha iddini , kannu kaanslava ? " . Oh God , Did I need an immediate eye check up or what !
That Clown was shaken up by my 'jhalak' and he was still commenting something in his dirty language . 'Mr. Clown' was full of attitude and I was sure I had dented it . I turned a deaf ear towards his extraneous comments as I din't want to pick up a fight.

Bangaloreans would get the number 1 spot for ' Road Rage'. People are never short of a word here . Though I don't like it that way , I had few special words to say to my friend, ' Mr.Clown' ,ofcourse I can't tell you what they were . I left immediately before I could hear anything from him .

My Mom was quick to ask me - " Do you think you are a Hero ? "
i said " No. All this was because of your 100 mins of shopping . I'm not that patient . "

"Ok, I'll never call you next time . "

That was what I wanted and soI din't utter a word . At last , I was pleased to reach home after what seemed like a long outing . An outing where I learnt a lesson . The lesson was - " Never go shopping with Mummy ". If I can generalize - " Never go shopping with women. ! ! ! "



( Hey , I've exaggerated this whole episode a bit . But it was only to make it's reading more fun . Cheers ! ! )

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Umpire Steve Bucknor....


At the age of 63 , I imagine , he should be retired, enjoying the Carribean beaches or spending time with his grandchildren. Well , no such luck. He is still umpiring , giving away terrible decisions of important players in crucial situations which could change the whole course of a match . He is very consistent at that. Consistent with bad decisions , I mean. Maybe the word ' consistent' is the only thing that the ICC considered to extend his retirement age. The official age of retirement for Umpires is 60, though that could be extended in particular cases regarding the merits of a particular Umpire. Mr.Bucknor is one such 'particular Umpire' . God knows what his merits are .!!

I don't know if he is biased or is it just a co-incidence that he stores his best ' bad decisions ' for India , but what I know for sure is he has fallen from grace nowadays because of his consistent inconsistencies . After the recent 'India-Australia' test match at Sydney, he has certainly become the Sacred Cow.

Infact , I heard one of the Cricket experts say - ' India will have to take 13 wickets & lose only 8 wickets in an innings to win a test match if Mr.Bucknor is in business '. My addition to it - ' You also get a fine for 'racial abuse ' or ' over appealing ' or some silly reason , to make it a package ' .

Another quality of his that makes my BP levels rise is that he gives a silly smile after making a terribly wrong decision , suggesting that the decision he made was so very obvious . Everytime he does that , my TV screen is in danger .

It'll be funny to say that he's had a personal effect on me - ' I get a fine for 'Racial Abuse ' at home everytime he makes a ' Hair Raising ' decision ..!!!

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On A Lazy Sunday Morning...!!

It was 9 am on a Sunday Morning , when my dad was watering the plants and mom was busy in the kitchen . Me "Mr. Lazy" and my sister ,who is lazier than me were still lying on the bed. Though I was awake, I had so many thoughts passing through my mind that I just could'nt make the 'Walk To The Bathroom ' . It was nearing 9.30 am , which was when i made up my mind that i would get out of it . My sister was still snoring away in deep sleep. Wondering how she could manage to do that , I headed straight to the Bathroom .

I was back into the Hall after my brushing to have a glance at the newspapers .My Dad, by then had finished watering the plants though he was busy with something else . He gave me a stare which suggested that - he was doing all the work and i was sitting idle on the sofa reading the newspaper like a senior citizen . I expected a comment or two from him regarding this , but luckily for me he dint say anything but i knew it was just a matter of time . My Mom came with a glass of milk for me & sat beside me . Then came my Dad . He asked me - "When are your exams ? "
I said - "A month from now . "
Dad - " I met my friend Mr. Ravi yesterday . His son Rikki is also doing engg and he has scored 76% in his previous semester . "
He gave a 'Sherlock Holmes' look and asked " How much did u get ? "

He knew my result , but then I knew this was coming . I said "69%"

Dad - " Is that enough ? "

Infact nothing is enough. I said "NO".

By now I knew what he meant to say & it was - " You Idiot , you have one month to go for your exams & you get up so late & now reading the newspaper like a retired officer ". He was kind enough not to say it that way though . Actually , I really get pissed off when they start comparing me with anyone. But I cant help it.

I was actually planning to start studying seriously from Monday . But it dint matter if I told them now. So , I proceeded towards the study table & started working out problems . I will be in no mood to study theory just after i get such a dose.
My Dad then switched on the T.V to watch a live cricket match , " India V/s Pakistan " , which did no good to my ' Problem Solving ' . Anyways I continued on . Meanwhile my sister woke up . As she is younger to me, she will remain ' The Small Girl ' of the family & will be pampered & pampered and will not have any of my problems.
I felt like bashing the wall to pieces when my Dad asked her " Did you sleep well ? "
What a question for a girl who slept for more than 10 hours .!!. But remember , she is ' The Small Girl' of our family.

An hour passed by & now it was breakfast time . Mom had prepared ' Rava Idly ' which is one of my favourites . I took all the time in the world eating those Idlys as the cricket match was interesting , or rather India were playing well. My mom usually never gives me breakfast before my bath. But then i had the knack of convincing her. After wandering around the house for more than half an hour looking very busy but doing nothing , I went for the Shower.

As I was coming out of the bathroom, I was only hoping for the day to get more interesting, atleast by evening. But I could'nt visualize any such thing happening as ' Monday Blues ' actually start setting in by Sunday evening only. Little disappointed by this and wondering how our Indian Cricket Team plays well only during my exams , I got back to the study table for some serious study . Really Serious.!!

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A Few Interesting Facts In Cricket....


# A match between Barbados and British Guyana in 1946 saw an over with 14 balls in which there were no wides or no balls ! The 8 ball over was in force and the extra six deliveries were due to umpiring miscounting !!!

# SUNIL GAVASKAR was so ill tempered that his parents had to take him to a psychiatrist to check up if there was something wrong with him.

# In a test match in Faisalabad in 1997-98 ,Mushtaq Ahmed was bowling to Pat Symcox.Symcox missed the ball,which went on to knock the middle stump.However,the heat had fused together the bails and they did not fall.Symcox went on to make 81,his second highest test score..!!

# SHAHID AFRIDI used a bat borrowed from Waqar Younis to score the fastest century in a One-Day International.!!

# FOUR STUMPS !!!! -- An experimental game was played at Lords in 1963 to look at the effects of adjusting two features of cricket : the size of the wickets and the LBW rule,in order to create a wicket of width 11 inches rather than 9 inches,four stumps were used in that trial match..

# The only law of Cricket that has not had any changes or modifications,is the length of the pitch..

# Which style of play is known as 'MANKAD'? -- The running out of a non-striking batsman who leaves his crease before the bowler has released the ball is calle 'MANKAD, It is named after VINOO MANKAD , an Indian bowler,who used this method controversially,in a test match.

# It was a county match in 1946.After two overs had been bowled,Len Hutton,who was fielding at slips asked the umpires to check the length of the pitch.The check discovered that the pitch was 24 yards lng instead of 22! Then the match was restarted on a correct pitch.

# Sachin Tendulkar is the first batsman to be dismissed (run out) by using the television replays by the third umpire, Jonty Rhodes was the fielder. Next day,in the same test match,Jonty Rhodes was given run out by the umpire.This time the fielder was none other than Sachin Tendulkar.!!

# During a County match in 1986,a batsman hit the ball and ran three runs but dropped the bat in the process. The bowler picked up the bat. When the ball was returned from the boundary,the bowler stopped it with the bat ! For fielding the ball with any other substance than the person , the penalty is 5 runs. So the batsman got eight runs in that ball.!!

# Which cricketer faced the first ball in One-Day Cricket??Geoff.Boycott was the one who faced the first ball in One-Day cricket. Graham Mc-Kenzie was the bowler.

# In a World Cup Match in 1975, Gavaskar batted throughout the 60 overs & scored only 36 runs . India lost to England by a huge margin of 203 runs.

# In the first ever Test in 1877, Australia beat England by 45 runs. 100 yrs later,in the Centenary Test ,the result was exactly the same.!!

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