In The Name Of Updating My Blog..!! - 4

I just hacked my blog and have decided to indulge in some cheating. My good friend Ms. Insomnia would understand better. I’m not supposed to write on this blog anymore actually. Again, my good friend would understand it better dude. Well, why won’t I write much these days? Yo man, I can see my good friend raise her hand with a pointed finger. A dumb person once asked me “Which finger?”

1) Roshan, since a couple of weeks has been reading this twenty five page book on ‘Inner Peace’. Yesterday, when I asked him to focus on his work, he gave me a disturbing smile. The smile so disturbing that even put his passport photo to shame; the smile that would put Mahatma Gandhi of Indian currency fame to a constipated frown.

2) I hate to even write this word nowadays but anyway here it is – ‘Kolaveri’. What this word has done is, even when I mean it from the ass of my heart, my imaginative girl friend laughs it out and says- “Song’s become popular man!”

3) I realized ‘Modern Art’ is nothing but my handwriting. You know something’s nice about it, but would ultimately deduce – “What the fuck is this?”

4) I’m very sarcastic. Apart from my victims Roshan and Isaac Newton who is (unfortunately) no more, there is one more person who is least affected by it. It’s an easy guess. He’s a monkey from Kerala; the kind who would dance on a cricket pitch. I know I also get a bit racist sometimes, but it’s okay, a gentleman named Andrew Symonds from Below (read Down Under) would understand the sentiments.

5) In politically correct words ‘Our Government’ and in politically correct words ‘Sonia ji’s Puppets’, they have a tough time come next elections. For instance, Manmohan Singh will actually have to open his mouth and say- “Vote for us” and Mr. Rahul Gandhi. the great, will actually have to shut his mouth and say- “Vote for us.”

(pic courtesy- onlinefunnyphotos.blogspot.com)


6) Relationships are like secret farts. As my good friend Pandurang and someone named William Shakespeare once said- “All’s well that ends well.”

7) Roshan told me about his female boss at his work place and how she makes him work for 25 hours a day. I told him it’s common nowadays and that every Anna will have a Bedi. He dint quite get it, so I went on to tell him about our Prime Minister.

8) Few of my Kannada speaking friends might find this funny. A few Maharashtrian sir names are funny. Sample this for now- Supriya Sule and Priyanka Munde.

9) Well, just an update on my Pune life. Nothing has changed. I still feel like a Blind man in front of Taj Mahal. My eyes still have throat problems. Girls here still wrap up their faces like parcel packets. Reason- still unknown.

10) “You think you are smart and sexy, don’t you? Well, I think I'm funny and I can’t control my laughter.” I have this habit of talking to myself.

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Tata… Bye Bye…

Hii guys!!! Just to inform you that I might not write on this blog anymore. If and when I open another blog, I shall let you know. Thank You so much everyone. :)

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Pune Diary..!!

Well, it has been almost four months since I shifted to Pune for my post grad. The minute I landed I had this weird feeling as though I had taken the wrong flight and landed in a wrong place. I felt like my last days were coming, I mean I thought I landed in an Arab country. The reason, let me tell you- Almost literally all the girls here tie up their faces with bed sheet sized shawls. I mean, what if I winked at a girl and she winks back and reveals that she’s got no nose? Man, in this city I feel like a blind man on a tour to Taj mahal. Anyway, I think I’m exaggerating too much.

My blog, poor thing, if it was my wife or something it would have poured kerosene on me and set me ablaze. Sorry. By the way, how you guys, those remaining one or two doing?? :)

This part of the country is so damn different from the south. These guys dance for everything. I mean everything. Well this reminds me that I’ve landed in Maharashtra. For one, I don’t know Marati. To top that, when I speak to them with my silly broken Hindi, you can imagine how pissing it can be. If you belong to the Thackrey family, make note, I should top the list- “To be kicked out.” But anyway, I’ve fallen in love with this city. I mean, what else to fall in love with? Girls? I’ll tell you when I get to see them. But seriously, love this city. It has the right mix. Not too crowded, no big traffic jams, no road rage; I’m coming from Bangalore by the way.

So yeah, after 3 months of life without a television, we finally bought one. Since then, CWG is the name spinning in my head all day. God, they found snakes there? I mean, what else if you name it CWG VILLAGE? I just hope things are completed on time; like I don’t want to see sign boards like “Take Diversion” while the athletes are running in the race.

And what’s this shit all about? I’ll just talk a line and chak comes the reply- Are you from Bangalore?? and I’ll be like- “Where the hell did you get that from?”
Anyway, I have loads to write about. But then, I get news nowadays that people whom I don’t want to read my blog are finding their way into here. So, until next time, take good care, see ya.

By the way, I ask these girls why they cover up their faces like lady terrorists; and they tell me- “Pollution.” Shit-o-shit. Crap-o-crap

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In the name of- Updating my Blog..!! - 3

1)Just because I did not update my blog, you people need not do this. Become responsible citizens; be friends with nature. My sincere request-




2)First things first, I have been in the well. Have you been in the well too?? I will keep you in my prayers (to Shaktiman), if you’ve not been in the well, don’t you worry.

3)I said “First things first” in the second point. Kick me on my backside.

4)Oh My God! I am unbelievably intelligent. Look, how well I tackled point 3.

5)I was asked to stay at home today apparently because people thought I was too “HOT” to handle. I floated on ‘cloud nine’ until mom gave me the killer punch; she told it was just ‘fever’. Environmentalists say it’s ‘Global Warming’.

6)I’ve learned to cook a few dishes lately. The word spreads so fast; it’s been a month since a guest last came home.

7)I know I waste time on the internet. But, what did great people do?? That guy Newton sat under an apple tree.

8)On deep introspection, I found a common word that wrecked my life; TABLES. In school, it was the ‘Arithmetic multiplication tables’; and then there were ‘Dining Tables’.

9)I asked my friend- “How did you spend your weekend??” He replied like Mr. Cool-as-cucumber, “I was ‘hanging’ with my friends.” I didn’t meet/talk to him ever since. I’m scared of ghosts.

10)I met this guy recently, and somewhere in between our conversation I told him- “I’m presently suffering. This bloody Writers Block.” He asked me innocently- “Is there a separate block for writers in your Apartment??”

11)I gave Roshan an invaluable advice- “When a girl is explaining how much she loves you, you should not interfere to correct her grammar.”

12)Hey guys, do you remember Dhoni? Yeah, the same guy, who once upon a time had long hair, which made girls lose their minds. Remember? Yeah, he went to Afridi before the match and threatened- “One more win and we’ll send Rakhi too.”

13)Roshan, who had an exam that day, told me- “My bed is full of books.” I advised him to sleep on the floor.

14)I guess you guys would remember the way I used to blow steam into your ears with all my Kidnapped-by-the-American-President dreams?? Here’s an update if you care. I’ve migrated from America. Later, I fell for an Italian girl, whom I met in an Indian Passenger train.

15)I told Roshan- “I have a cruch on ‘Mayanti’.” He thought I said- “I have a crush on ‘My Aunty’.”

16)Wow, it’s true. My grandfather had a farm. Not on facebook.

17)I’ve been giving Roshan a lot of advices lately. He told me he wanted to become the best ‘Neurosurgeon’ in town. I told him to relax and take it easy, cos the day I break his head, then the only person who could save him would be ‘HIM’. Irony.

18)My computer makes all sorts of grunting sounds nowadays. I think the Mother board needs a father board.

19)Breaking News: During the match, Maradona burnt more calories than his players.

20)I watched a 20-20 game between Essex and Middlesex yesterday. I thought ‘Star Cricket’ was a family channel.

This is for you, if you are not exactly a Genius-






Well that’s it for now. See you. Take care. Be in the well. Don’t forget my first point. ;)

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In the name of- Updating my Blog..!! - 2

1) English heroes fight to save the world; Indian heroes, to save the hero-in. On this note, let me tell you that I watched a Tamil movie called “Sura”. Here, the hero saves the hero-in some four times, then gets busy saving his locality and then he finally goes on to save the villain's wife *touch* *blow your nose* *wipe your tears*. I strongly suggest this movie if you have a constipation problem.

2) I’d been to Ooty recently along with my family. The driver was a nice guy. He began the journey on a wonderful note by saying- “I’ve driven 18 people to death till date.”


3) Apparently, my friend’s dog has a crush on Swami Nithyananda. I guess it’s the hair style.

4) Guys, I’ve joined twitter. I have 45 followers out of which 3 of them use twitter. You can follow me if you like my sense of tumour. Link.


5) I know a few girls. They are called the ‘awwwwwwww’ girls.
I say- “I missed you so much.” ----- “awwwwwwww…..”
“You have a sweet voice.” ------ “awwwwwwww…..”
“A dog bit my bum.” ---- “awwwwwwww…”

What is this, I say??

6) Do not teach small children silly things. They go do that at home and worse, they tell their parents who taught them such crap. I mean, all I taught was to sing Jack and Jill in a classical tone.

7) I think cows have a soft corner for me. They brush their tail onto my face whenever I walk past them. Or, am I missing something? Are they slapping me?


8) My day starts with an ayurvedic drink. It makes me feel I’m drinking liquefied cow dung.


9) Life’s boring without Rakhi Sawanth. Where is she? Hey Rakhi, I want to see you get angry ya, please.


10) Ok, on a serious note, if you’ve read this post successfully (without breaking any glassware around you), thank you so much. I don’t deserve it, so to say. I haven’t read a blog in like a month.


Thanks guys. Take care. Hw have you all been doing? Leave a note. And btw, I don’t charge for a facebook friend request. So, here’s the link anyway- Facebook. I shall come up with a fiction soon. Until then, see ya. :)

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