Gesticulating A Bribe..!!

The clock struck 7 when I woke up. I opened the main door, walked into the lawn with a yawn. I stood there and stretched trying for a peek at the rising sun. As I did that I noticed some object, thin like a cane, white in color with the sun in the background hurling towards me. Anything that’s hurling towards me was danger, of course. I wondered if it was a terrorist attack or if it was my ex- girl friend’s handy work. I pushed the panic button and went on a mission- Run-for-your-life. I turned around to run, but before I could gather any further thoughts or paces, it hit me on the back of my head and rebounded on to the ground. I dint fall and die at once. So, I looked around cautiously and then contemplated the object. I almost kicked myself when I observed that it was the newspaper, rolled and launched by my paper guy. I grabbed the newspaper and walked to the raised compound wall to find the paper guy. He stood with his bicycle wearing a straight face maybe wanting to kill me in real. I made an inverted hook with my eye-brow and gave him a hard long stare like a 1972 villain. It would have looked more poignant if someone flashed a red-light on my face. But anyway, he stood silent and made continuous movements with his head, looking at me for a second and looking at the ground for another second. I got a feeling he was run by a malfunctioned battery or something. Before I could say anything, he said sorry and escaped.

I went back in to the lawn, jumped onto the recliner. I unfolded the newspaper to see who died, who did a fraud, who kissed Rakhi Sawanth and to check the humour column (I mean, our politicians’ statements). The headline “ Seat belts compulsory for four-wheelers- Traffic Police” caught my eye. I live in a city where a day without a traffic jam is like a burger without the bun. I mean, the maximum speed I could achieve was about 30 kms/hr. All that a seat belt could do is to hold you back for a second thought in case you felt like running away getting mad of traffic. For me, seat belts in a city made no sense. On the other hand, there’s no such rule on a highway, where it at least made some sense. As the joke goes- “ If you can’t tighten your brakes, you make your horn louder” our government follows suit. They don’t repair roads but they impose a helmet rule (for instance). And this one- “ You are invited for lunch tomorrow. By the way it’s your funeral tonight.” I’m talking about the rosy post-dated cheque the government offers to the dead person’s family.


Anyway, I walked back inside, showered, readied myself to leave for a friend’s marriage function and left. I drove my car along at 20 kms/hr without a seat belt and with no prizes for guessing at all, a traffic police inspector spotted & stopped me. “Oh these idiotic pot bellies..” I said to myself and pulled up the car by the pavement. “Bring your Driving license and Insurance papers here,” he demanded. I searched for my license card and found it. I examined the web-cam-captured-photo on my License card and got irritated all over again. I looked like one of those Arab terrorists after being captured & tortured. When I found the insurance papers, I was amazed to realize that my car was insured while I was not. But anyway I was still a student. So, with both the documents I walked up to that damn inspector. He examined them and said to me as if he was so hurt by my bad behavior- “ You look to be educated and decent. Why do you break the rules?” Man, if he deduced that I look decent by looking at that photo, he should immediately be shown to a neurologist. Anyway, he almost cried at me and asked-“ Why sir? Why? No seat belt?” I tried to remember the last instance when my own parents got so worried about me. I couldn’t even remember.

He then finally, like as if he lost speech, told me- “500 rupees sir.”

“What the f……” I controlled myself before I could say that word and continued-“ What? How much? Why?”

He said bluntly- “That’s the fine. No seat belt, illegal number plate and the tinted glass is too dark.”
Crap. These idiots come up with something or the other. I wanted to say to him –“ I’m not educated nor decent. Will you give me a concession?” But I dint. It’s better not to mess with these ‘drum bellies’. I said- “ I have just 100 rupees with me” though I had much more.

“No Sir. The fine is 500 rupees”, he said.

It looked like a silly game when I repeated my sentence for another 5 to 6 times, he too repeated his sentence that many times. But then, after few more repetitions in different tones, the deal was done. 100 rupees. For a fact, I’m very talented. But the point is, this was a bribe, not a fine. The actual fine would have also just come up to around 200 bucks, not 500, but one just couldn’t argue with these traffic inspectors. More you argue, more the fine would grow.

Meanwhile, as I searched for the 100 bucks, a beggar came by and begged for money. I digged out Rs110 and passed it to the beggar and told him to keep 10 bucks and pass the rest to the police guy. He did so promptly.
Before the policeman could realize my heartfelt gesture, I escaped from there just like my paper guy.

33 additions to the crap:

Randeep January 13, 2009 at 4:30 PM  

haha.. It was funny.. I like the way u write.. keep it up..

Cheers
Randeep

Kaber January 13, 2009 at 6:12 PM  

Back to form man. Liked the lawn yawn bit and the bargaining with the police man. Escaped like your paper guy? HA ha

By the way do check out my latest poem. Would like to know yuor opinion on it?

Dipti January 13, 2009 at 7:11 PM  

LOL @ it was a newspaper

sunny_raju January 13, 2009 at 11:14 PM  

if the glass was too dark how could he make out u were with out seat belts, or were u driving at 5 Km /hour or u were about to bump head on to the cop. :)
Jus kiddin
Good one

Saket January 13, 2009 at 11:58 PM  

So you gave Rs 110 to beggars. Cool!! How many people do that(giving any money to beggars and you gave 110 of them)-- You deserve the Gandhi award(even if there ain't anything by that name) for being a true hero

I love the humour you put in your writings. Keep writing, waiting 4 the next post

Meera January 14, 2009 at 7:58 AM  

Good humour and nice sense!!..haha..liked it!

Arjun January 14, 2009 at 1:10 PM  

Randeep - Thnks bud.. ;)

Kaber- Thanks kaber.. I'll check ur posts soon.. It's long pending...

Dipti - ;) ;)

Sunny Raju- The police spotted me from the front glass, not from the door windows... hehe.. Thnk u

@Saket - Hey buddy, I'm basically a very kind hearted person man.. hehe..lolz.. Thnks buddy

Meera- Gud.. thnks

jack January 15, 2009 at 3:14 AM  

hey that was fun the way you described the initial news paper incident
you know you really inspire me to write on humor

keep up the good work,

Another Blogger January 15, 2009 at 5:46 PM  

Hey.. I have something you might like to collect at http://insanely-still-sane.blogspot.com/2009/01/now-who-is-laughing.html
Keep the posts coming.. :)

saif January 15, 2009 at 7:15 PM  

wow..another great post..loved it..funny :-)

uchiha tejesh January 16, 2009 at 6:22 PM  

Good 1 dude , i liked the way you related the two "fictional" incidents :D.

lmao @ neurologist :)


keep writing,

Teju

AN January 17, 2009 at 1:50 AM  

hah! nicely written indeed. Quite funny, must say :).

and my enmity with paper guys never ends, they miss no chance of throwing the paper right at me or my dog! although the new is good I heard, he hands it to you.
(found you on orkut!)

bluesugarpoet January 17, 2009 at 8:00 AM  

You had me laughing from the first smack in the head. I tried to talk my way out of a traffic fine once, and I got a fine + "traffic school." Great writing! -jana

Arjun January 17, 2009 at 10:08 AM  

@ jack
Buddy u urself have come with the 'Crazy-3' which is a total joyride... Am glad to hear frm u.. :)

@saif

Thanks bro.. :)

@tejesh..

U sound different..!! :P
Glad u liked it Tej.. :)

Arjun January 17, 2009 at 10:11 AM  

@AN

So it happens everywhere, i suppose... :)
Thanks for dropping by AN.. Will hop onto urs too as soon as possible.... Cheers..!!

@Bluesugarpoet

Hey thank u so much for dropping by... I dont know how much u could actually relate to since ur not from India... Anyway, glad u liked the crap.. ;)

Pretty Me!! January 19, 2009 at 12:42 AM  

something for you :

http://creatingnewblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/i-award-thee.html

Misty Rhythm January 19, 2009 at 9:07 AM  

heehe...the newspaper bit was hilarious :P

n i totally agree on the seat belts!! i mean cars barely move an inch in 10 mins!!

ahh well...i once got out of the no seatbelts scenario with a pout :P...lolz, n a threat from a friend's dad who's a police officer :)

Arjun January 19, 2009 at 10:10 AM  

@Misty

haha... Follow my way next time.. :P

Cheers..!!
Arjun

Richa January 19, 2009 at 12:52 PM  

applaude applaude!!

this is a very common thing tht happens to almost every one and presenting it in such entertaining manner tht doesnt make u loose interest, a pat on back is deserved :D

sorry for the delay :D

Julia Scissor January 20, 2009 at 11:44 AM  

"Like a burger without the bun" Lol.

You snubbed a traffic paandu (mumbai lingo for cop)?

Chriz January 21, 2009 at 12:38 PM  

you sure have a funny boe dude//...

Niranjana January 21, 2009 at 6:12 PM  
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tara January 21, 2009 at 6:22 PM  

Haha! Very funny! Gosh! Wish I had such a good and capable hand too! Apne haath mujhe dede Arjun! LOL! ;)

The ending was (as usual..!!) very good. The paper guy re-mention made for a strong ending! The beginning was interesting too...what suspense I tell you! ;)

PS-As for the Orkut thing, I am no longer on Orkut. Have had enough of "social networking" sites! Romba networking panniyachu, porun! Ippe thaanga mudiyalla! ;)

Shimmer January 22, 2009 at 12:44 AM  

Heehehe, nice nice :D

i like the ending a lot. only if the cop\s reaction was captured.. ::P

Arjun January 22, 2009 at 10:55 AM  

Tara..!! My hand.. It's up for sale.... Auction begins soon... Are u rich enough.?? :P lolz

Thanks da....

thaanga mudiliya?? avla kevalama enna irukku social networking websites le.....??

ANyways... nice to see u after a gap... :)
Keep Visiting..

Cheers..!!
Arjun

Riya January 23, 2009 at 11:25 AM  

Hey.. You write really well.. It was really funny.. Great post.. Keep writing.. Looking forward to your next post..

Tara January 23, 2009 at 2:24 PM  

Let's see when the auction begins! Paakalaam! ;)

Social networking? Nothing kevalam about it at all, just that at one point of time, I was addicted to it! Who sent friend requests, who has more scraps, who has more photos...uff! Have gotten over it now! Almost had to be sent to the rehab...lol! ;)

PS- A thanks here. :) I love it when people call me da. Don't know why, but I have this for da! It's so much more personal then, ain't it? Can I call you da too? I mean I know people who have an issue with it! And you are quite old too (hehe..!!), so I shouldn't be disrespecting 'elders'! :P

Arjun January 23, 2009 at 2:34 PM  

hehe.. I have no issues with da.... okay da?? :P
I'm addressed wit so many unmentionable names.. so, its multiple-okay... :)

Okay Tara, i must go find my walking stick now... u made me old.. :( .. Where's the grandmother??.. :P

Cheers..!!
Arjun

Tara January 23, 2009 at 2:44 PM  

Same here da! Many completely unmentionable names for me too! :)

Hehe! Paati kovil poirrka da thatha! Onn thollai thangalai, paatiya romba padhuthare da nee! ;)

Arjun January 23, 2009 at 2:50 PM  

One thatha's sogamana story...!!

naa romba nalla thatha... pati tha flirt...

Pati went to Party...

Hey.. u thr on gtalk or yahoo?? Do we have to discuss this thatha issue of comments or wat?? yen maanam govinda ayitirku...

the pink orchid January 25, 2009 at 1:25 PM  

you have been awarded.. visit my blog... :)
http://lifeofthepinkorchid.blogspot.com

lachu February 2, 2009 at 7:37 AM  

hahaha tat was funny...thank ur paper guy 4 me...
cheers

Anonymous February 20, 2010 at 2:31 PM  

It is useful to try everything in practise anyway and I like that here it's always possible to find something new. :)

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