Stupidity Paradise..!!

It was as much as a week ago when I rubbed my eyes as it almost popped out like pop-corn when I noticed Roshan turning the ‘volume’ knob to the left. Apparently it wasn’t one of those songs where guys with long hair rattled their lungs out or put aged hearts into mouths. Instead, it was an old, romantic, soothing number. Since I am not consecrated with super natural powers, this sudden change in him was tough to digest. I mean, it felt as weird as going to a call center and not finding an Indian. Anyway, this was all just the beginning; beginning of a possible hassle.
Since there hasn’t been a single crisis over the whole of last week; in other words, since Roshan has been out of contact, we guys at college have egressed into a consensus that if it wasn’t for Roshan, the Nobel Peace prize bore no meaning. I mean, such was the vagary of his mind. Anyway, since life without a crisis is no life, the guys nominated me as their representative for the onerous job of visiting Roshan’s place and evaluating his recent abnormal behavior. Why was I selected specially for this job?? I’ll tell you later.

I put my bike to the side and knocked at door. Roshan’s mom greeted me with tilted lips and curved eye-brows. I transformed myself like lord Rama and greeted her with a wobbling voice and a sweet smile- “Hello aunty.”

“Hello.” She said plainly, exhibited a thousand expressions, enquired her regular doubt- “You take bath with water or perfume?” and vanished into the kitchen with a disgusting face. Since I was the most equipped and experienced in handling her, I was sent on this mission. Got an idea? Anyway, I entered the hall and spotted Roshan’s 5 year old brother; he was busy breaking a tiger’s leg (plastic one of course), singing along- “Inki Pinki Ponky… His father was a donkey…” He noticed me and hurled a plastic monkey which just missed my forehead. I would have whacked him if he was my own brother. Meanwhile I could hear Roshan from the bathroom, singing some silly song of the 90s. There was something spiritual playing in the kitchen. With all this 3D effect getting on to my nerves, I made a mental note to visit the doctor later in the evening. Just as I was getting too pissed off, like how goddesses emerge from the mist, Roshan walked out from the bathroom. Such an inchoate idiot he is, he almost walked away without noticing me. I had to hurl that plastic monkey on him to grab his eye-balls. He returned an expression which reminded me of old movies where the heroes realized just before the movie ended that they were actually brothers after which followed a whole lot of hugging and stuff.

In ten minutes, Roshan came all dressed up, drowned inside his loose shirt and cargos. I stood waiting for his mom’s comment and she never disappoints. “You look like a rag picker” she said and again vanished. Finally a cup of coffee arrived which we emptied in no time. Me and Roshan decided to do the ‘walk the talk’ thing, so decided to leave. I waved ‘good-bye’ to aunty and she returned the wave with some kind of looks which I couldn’t comprehend. Then to Mr. 5yr old, I pinched his cheeks and said- “Byee..” He hurled his plastic tiger right on to my face. I am a gentleman, I didn’t retaliate.

Within a few minutes we were on to the streets strolling along checking out all kinds of stuff. After discussing various other issues of national importance, we came to the topic at hand- “What happened to you? Haven’t been to college? Cell phone’s always busy? Don’t say it’s a girl..”

“That’s exactly what it is.” Roshan smiled like Mr. Pepsodent.

“Oh my god! Where, who, when, how?” I stuttered.

“It all started when her dog barked and almost bit me on the road side,” he felt shy and continued- “I realized it was her dog when she saved me from it. That’s how it all started.”

“You shameless fellow. We’ll see you in college tomorrow right?”

“No dude. I have plans with her. I’m gonna take her out.”

“Where?”

“Surprise.” He said which pissed me off to the core. He noticed my threatening looks and said sheepishly- “Planetarium.” He smiled and continued- “Better than a movie na? It will atleast be informative.”
I controlled myself from bashing my head to the electric pole or indulging in any sort of violent activities such as pulling off my own hair or anything. I am basically a diplomatic person.

Through the walk, he said this and that, that and this. My legs started to ache, mind started to wander and that’s when I balked his non-stop talk and arrived at an accord- “See you tomorrow.”



It was 9am in the class, next day. I had recited the story to one and all. All were as much stunned as happy that Roshan now had a girlfriend. Just then, against all expectations, Roshan came rushing through, wearing a sad face. He came straight to me and sulked- “Dude, it’s over. She’s gone?”

“What the hell? Why?”

“She called me this morning and said her dog went missing. She was sad.”

“What did you do?”

“I conveyed my condolences,” he paused and continued- “ but before that……”

“What? What did you do?”

“The dog that almost bit me is gone man. Of course I laughed.”

31 additions to the crap:

parzi October 22, 2009 at 9:30 PM  

heyy Arjun...
i was glad to see ur updates after a long time in my dashboard....
and as always i am smiling while i am here...that was a good one...
*bathing in perfume:P
*going to the planetarium for a date..hehe
*the reunion of the brothers...superb..
n the best part i dont have to wait for the story to end for that giggle since ur stories are very interesting write from the beginning....
well done...as always!!!
u better take out more time from ur busy schedule and write more...
i want to read and smile more!
keep writing n keep smiling!
take care!
God bless!

parzi October 22, 2009 at 9:31 PM  

yayyyyyyyy...me first.....hahah...party!!!!!!

soin October 22, 2009 at 11:25 PM  

ha nice man..thank god no cheesy mushy stuff..free

Inty swetha October 22, 2009 at 11:43 PM  

ha ha :) you are amazing! i missed your posts... keep posting.. is this a true story?

Asit Dhal October 23, 2009 at 1:54 AM  

"He hurled his plastic tiger right on to my face. I am a gentleman, I didn’t retaliate. "

"Just as I was getting too pissed off, like how goddesses emerge from the mist, Roshan walked out from the bathroom."

amazing......

Swetha Padakandla October 23, 2009 at 2:35 PM  

ROFLinggggg...

hehehehehe
sooooper
u always write interesting stuffs ya.. i mean Roshan is always interesting ya,, lol

:P
cheers

RSV October 23, 2009 at 4:08 PM  

he he...
that was hilarious..
"I am a diplomatic person u see...

Arjun October 23, 2009 at 4:09 PM  

@Parzii

U take so much time and come up with such big, heart whelming comments every single time.. Thank u so much Parul.. :)

Glad u liked it :) if this blog makes u smile every single time.. What better compliment can i get?? :D

hehe.. yeah party... ur party.. :P

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Arjun October 23, 2009 at 4:11 PM  

@Soin

haha.. yeah.. Thank god.. I'm in no mood for that anyway.. :P

@Inty

Thank u so much... no ya.. not real.. just fiction.. :)

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Arjun October 23, 2009 at 4:12 PM  

@Asit

Thank u :D :D

@Swetha

hah.. Thanks... Don't say u r another one who's fallen for Roshan.... Thr r too many ppl trying for him already ... :P

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Arjun October 23, 2009 at 4:14 PM  

@R S V

haha... so am I.. :P

Think.. but dont talk.. Think again, but dont talk... Think again and decide to keep quiet and call it Diplomacy..!! hehe.. ;)

Thanks..!!
Arjun

PS : De-abbreviate as you like ;) October 23, 2009 at 4:39 PM  

finallly .. you posted something !! and m i glad ?? soooooper glad da !! loved it :)

lachu October 23, 2009 at 9:30 PM  

at las after a long time......................................

lachu October 23, 2009 at 9:35 PM  

i misd roshan

Aanya October 24, 2009 at 11:24 AM  

O teri...superbbb arjun... like always i was laughing ... n the ppl in my off started luking at me like i was sum alien... lolll..

too good.. i want more... wat happ next :P did she find the dog?? ... did roshan take tetanus ka injection lol...

clap clap... fantastic

Arjun October 24, 2009 at 12:40 PM  

@Pratsie

wow.... n i'm sooooooper glad to see u here... ;) Thank u so much.. :)

@lachu

u and ur roshan..!! :P

Arjun October 24, 2009 at 12:45 PM  

@Aanzyyyyyyyyy

haha.... lol @ ppl in ur office.... I can understand their feelings.. hehe :P

Roshan?? y tetanus ya? Rabies injection... :P

Lets see if i can continue...

But thank u sooooo much for the lovely comment.. u made my day.. :D

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Urvashi October 24, 2009 at 9:20 PM  

Been to ur blog forthe first time.. Loved ur post..really nice..!! :)

Great ending...!! hehe :D

TC :)

Thoorika October 24, 2009 at 9:33 PM  

Getting updates about roshan after a long time.. 5 yr old bro for a college going kid?! :D

Matangi Mawley October 24, 2009 at 10:53 PM  

:D... must say one thing... Roshan.. when he mentions planetorium right?? i was suddenly reminded of "Subodh" urf "timetable" from movie "dil chahta hai" :D n i was laughing like hell.. my roomie thought i was nuts! well its nt something new..

gr8 one as ever! :)

Priyanka October 26, 2009 at 1:48 AM  

heyyy fan!!

see my biggg smile :)))))
hehe

it was really gud...i came wid a really sad mood..n u brought many smiles :)

mast tha...fan of ur oneliners man!

Aanya's comment reminded me of how i first started readin u...dnt rembr hw i reachd ur blog..may b thru WL or ste... but for d first time i read it during my colg lecture...dnt rembr which lecture...but ws giggling thruout in d class...n read almost whole of ur blog tht day...hehe

well..my mood slightly better..gonna read other posts nw..want to sleep smiling :)

Akansha Agrawal October 26, 2009 at 1:01 PM  

Haha... laughter riot it is... and punches with their timings... hats off :))

err... I hope you don't get bitten by dogs normally ;)

Arjun October 28, 2009 at 9:37 AM  

@Urvashi

Hey... Welcome here... :D

Glad u liked it Urvashi.... :) Thank u...!!

@Thoorika

haha.. u and ur doubts...... :P

My sis was 7 yrs old whn i was in college.. :P

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Arjun October 28, 2009 at 9:38 AM  

@Matangi

hahaha... yeah.. :P

Thank u as always.. :)

@Akansha

haha.. Thank u.. ;)

Y did u get such a doubt?? :P

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Arjun October 28, 2009 at 9:42 AM  

@Pri

Hey fannnnnn...!! After such a long time.. on my blog... Welcome back.. ;)

U know, everytime anyone says they feel better after reading my non-sense stories... It feels so good... :) Thank u ... :)

yeah.. I remember that day.. when i saw a whole lot of comments.. all frm u.. :)

Thank u so muc fan.. for making time out of ur busy schedule of convincing ppl to buy fair-n-lovely.... lol .. JK :P

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Saket October 30, 2009 at 8:07 AM  

ha ha ha
that was hilarious. lovely post arjun! simply amazing.

Aparna October 30, 2009 at 1:18 PM  

i will never go out with a guy who will take me to planetorium....how boring ur friend is !


ur friend seems fun though

Arjun October 31, 2009 at 10:28 AM  

@Saket

Thank u bro... :)

@Aparna

haha... Din't u realise that this was fiction.... :P

And there's a long queue of girls having a crush, waiting for roshan.. :P

Thanks..!!
Arjun

Arun Kumar October 31, 2009 at 10:52 AM  

hyper hilarious man...
loved the descriptions n similies man...

"I controlled myself from bashing my head to the electric pole or indulging in any sort of violent activities such as pulling off my own hair or anything. I am basically a diplomatic person."
he he....
bestuu !!!

Saurabh Panshikar November 26, 2009 at 9:45 PM  

Hey man
this is my first time here and I must confess.... I don't wanna leave!

You've won yourself a follower! The flow is gr8... the timing is unexpected. You are pretty much the thing man!

Keep it up.....

Dr Riya December 1, 2009 at 3:59 PM  

Completely superb.. Hilarious.. Enjoyed your write to the fullest.. * i m a diplomat.. He he.. I know geminis are diplomats.. But u write too gud.. Keep up the gud work.:-)

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