Kids..... Ouchh..!!

I banged my foot on the ground thrice "bang .. bang … bang.." as I saw my neighbor, an old lady with her 8 year old grandson at the door. I drew the latch in ‘action replay’ mode, more so like the way old bollywood couples ran in slow motion before they hugged each other. As I opened the door, a breeze hit me and ‘warning’ alarms went off inside my head. The granny adjusted her glasses and smiled. I spotted her only tooth (well known as Gate Way of India) and recollected that it actually resembled- ‘The Leaning Tower of Pisa’. So many monuments inside the jewel box. Amazing! Anyway, my eyes then shifted to her grandson, who wore blue colored shorts, the size of my hand kerchief. He too had just one tooth visible in the 'Gandhi class' (I mean front row), as he squeezed through in-between my legs into the house.

“I’m going to the market now. Can I leave Pintu here for a while?” the granny enquired.

Granny always gave me an expression of someone like a modern Mother Teresa or something, and that sent a litre of ‘good will’ into my heart (take note- my weak point), hence I replied- “Go ahead. I will look after Pintu.” I mean, after all, normal human beings can commit blunders.

I shut the door and initiated a ‘search operation’ for this boy Pintu. ‘The period of time that Pintu is out of sight’ is directly proportional to ‘Danger’. Could you guess that I love Physics? Good. Anyway, I continued with the ‘search operation’, like a hunter. I rubbed my eyes twice and discovered that Pintu was sitting on my bed, both legs and arms folded and mainly SILENT. I almost saw Swamy Vivekananda in him, when I discovered something below him. I approached him tardily as if I was there to catch a snake. I stared hard at that thing, and realized it was my laptop. I zoomed my eyes towards it and got further horrified when I noticed his blue colored shorts reflecting a darker shade now. “Oh Lord, this guy has no ‘nappy’ and he has pissed on my ‘lappy’,” I screamed inside my head, not in a mood to adore the poetic skills in me.

It took me an hour for the entire cleaning process to terminate as Pintu sat and watched ‘Cartoon Network’. God bless the founder of cartoons. “Children are like God” I reminded myself and tried to be Mr.Kind as I went into the kitchen to prepare some ‘corn-flakes’ for my dearest Pintu. I heated the milk, put some ‘Kelloggs corn-flakes’ into the bowl and glanced at Jnr.Danger. He was trying his vandalism skills over today’s newspaper, but that was nothing, so I counted 1 to 10, took a deep breath and stirred the mixture. As and when it was ready, I brought the bowl to the hall but to find that my hero was out-of-sight. The physics equation resounded with echoes somewhere deep inside me. I crawled slowly into my room, but I was too unlucky, couldn’t find him. A few precious seconds wasted, I then walked slowly into the other room, stood at the entrance and scanned through the room but found no one. There was complete silence; life-threatening silence. Like a flash, as though like in the ghost movies, “bhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…” he screamed and jumped from behind the door to the front of me leaving me terrified and cold. I almost had my foot in my mouth for a second. “hahaha… you got scared..” he vanished into the hall.

I prayed to god, recited a few ‘mantras’ and proceeded into the hall and sat next to him. “Children are like God..” I controlled myself by repeating it again and again as though like a malfunctioning tape-recorder. In the meanwhile, he trekked over to me, stood over my lap and stared long and hard at my face like a scientist examining viruses. I stuck my tongue down and returned a few silly expressions. After his research he came uncomfortably close to my face and asked- “Anna (brother), why do you have a moustache?” and tried to pluck at it. “Aaaahhhhhh…” I howled, put him over the sofa, stood and shouted at him- “Shut up.” He looked with his eyes opened wide as I went on – “ Fold your hands………. Close your mouth…Don’t open that mouth and don’t move.. Just sit.” I slid next to him, grabbed at the corn-flakes bowl, scooped it with a spoon and held it before his mouth. My dearest of dearest Pintu wouldn’t open his mouth (as his master had instructed) .. damn… “You can open your mouth to eat.,” I said aimlessly. Once he opened his jewel box, I put the spoon into it but my hero wouldn’t close it (the instruction was to only open the mouth, remember). I didn’t cry, nor did I pull the hair off my head but just stared with hooked eye-brows at the ceiling.



Just when I thought I needed a trip to the brain doctor, my eyes got filled with the sight of a goddess glowing away through the window holding colorful flowers in her hands, ringing my door bell wanting to introduce me to the staff members up above. No, I just saw Granny. She walked in and said with a tooth-exhibiting smile- “ Hope Pintu didn’t trouble you,” and I almost began to search the number to call the brain doctor but decided to just return a simple smile. She carried Pintu, who was now having his corn-flakes on his own. damn kid..
The feeling of subtracting a ton of weight from my heart commenced when she said to her Pintu- “Say bye to anna..” The intelligent boy dropped the bowl of corn-flakes (which landed and splashed straight on my lap) and waved good-bye to me. Granny apologized and left taking away her thunder-like grandson. I headed to the bathroom for part-2 of the cleaning work. My shorts this time.

Children are fun and lovely, but man- “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”

20 additions to the crap:

Misty Rhythm July 24, 2009 at 7:42 AM  

lolzz my heart goes out to (fiction)u :P...my 6 yr old cousin n i strike deals to come to a consent :P..."stop jumping around and we'll go out for ice creams", "hit me and i'll lock u up in the dark bathroom with monsters" heeheh
amazing read as usual!

Swetha Padakandla July 24, 2009 at 9:49 AM  

lol... lol.. lol.
amazing kid!

were u taking care of him?? or was he looking after you??? :P

cheers

Arjun July 24, 2009 at 10:05 AM  

@Neha

haha.. Tats common.. :P

I'll be like - Go to sleep i'll give u a gift after u wake up... :P

hehe.. thnk ya

Arjun July 24, 2009 at 10:06 AM  

@Swetha

he fed me the corn-flakes at the end... so .. u r ryt :P :P

Dr. Chandana Shekar July 24, 2009 at 4:03 PM  

lolz.. that was a helluva guy... have fun... children are like god after all ;-)

Arjun July 24, 2009 at 7:45 PM  

haha... yeah .. ;)

thanks for dropping by :D

Matangi Mawley July 24, 2009 at 9:47 PM  

hmm.. must say.. u have brought out what ever i have in mind about kids.. i jst cant stand them!
funny though he write-up may be, but absolute truth...

parzi July 25, 2009 at 12:36 AM  

hiee...
thats an adorable write up...very well brought out..hilarious..i loved the way u wrote the thoughts..and they were cutely funny..now i know y everyone calls u the king of humor..this was amazing..as for the kids..ahmm..u can never be sure..
n i really liked the last line...awesome..
very nice light work..which made me smile throughout
hope u keep smiling the way u make others smile
tk care
keep writing
god bless!

Arjun July 25, 2009 at 10:32 AM  

@matangi

hehe... Sometimes they get irritating.. yeah .. ;)

@parzi

Thank u so much for those nice words Parul.. :)

Thoorika July 25, 2009 at 10:37 AM  

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go

LOLZ! read this post after some ten yrs when u hav kids of ur own! :D

Arjun July 25, 2009 at 11:07 AM  

Thoorz


haha... i'll write a bigger post then .. :P :P :P

maybe a book :P

The Solitary Writer July 25, 2009 at 1:20 PM  

it made me smile....hope its real nd may many kids in ur neighbourhood trouble u .....ahahaha....:p

funny one1 dude ....typical arjun style///loved it.....

Arjun July 25, 2009 at 1:26 PM  

Get lost man... :P

It's not real ... :P hehe ;)

Thanks bro.. :)

purPLE haZE !! July 26, 2009 at 7:00 AM  

Hahahaha...LOL :D

Typical Arjun stuff..very crispy
Loved it :)

lachu July 26, 2009 at 7:06 AM  

long time man
wer hav u been???

lachu July 26, 2009 at 7:09 AM  

no ‘nappy’ and he has pissed on my ‘lappy'!!!!,jnr.danger!!!
u crack me up :)

Arjun July 27, 2009 at 9:45 AM  

@Hashan

thanks bro... glad that u enjoyed.. ;)

@lachu

same question to u.. :P

haha... thanks ;)

Tara July 28, 2009 at 2:57 PM  

Oh so this was the grandma grandson aa? Nice nice. :) Was a great read, yeah children are really adorable creatures, aren't they? ;)

If you ask me personally, I think the previous writes were better, I guess Roshan *blush* makes all the difference! :D

Rane (The Orchid is Now More Than Just Pink) July 29, 2009 at 5:21 PM  

Hey Arjun... Kajal here

and omg!! this place has changed and the template looks so 'woooowwwww' ...totally awesome..
hope you are doing good..
I am back to blogsville.. :D
Keep in touch.
Cheers
Kajal

Arjun July 30, 2009 at 9:14 AM  

@Tara

haha.. Thanks... i guess there was an overdose of Roshan.. so decided not to write that :P

@Kajal

Very glad to see u da.... :)

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