First Salary..!! Final Journey..!!



The building contractor counted out- “8..9..10” and pushed the money into Charan’s hands. Charan bowed to him with exceeding happiness and utmost pleasure for having just received his first ever salary. His eyes caught the bruise on his left hand, which chanced sometime while lifting bricks all day. But for now no pain was a pain that would engulf his happiness. The clock struck 6 and the sun sank down the west which all meant that it was time to head back to his small home. He washed, tidied himself, hung his lunch carrier onto his shoulder and began walking home. He felt it heavier than usual on his shoulders and that’s when it struck to him that he had not had his lunch this afternoon. He never enjoyed his grandmother’s scolding for bringing back the lunch box untouched. He spotted a small, empty parkland to his right hand side and entered it & found himself a bench to have his 'sunset' lunch. He spread a cloth across the dusty bench, placed the lunch box on it and began eating. As he ate, he wondered what all he could do with his first earning. The first thing, he thought would be to tell grandmother that she need not work anymore. Then he thought he should save some money and buy a bicycle for himself. Meanwhile, he noticed a middle aged person with a stolid look on his face arrive and sit on the bench situated opposite to him. The weather was cold and the man was well covered with a woolen sweater and a muffler. It struck to him that he should also buy a sweater for his grandmother. He felt elated.


The old lady Lakshmi just arrived at her small home. She was tired of cleaning houses and washing vessels the whole day. She looked out for her grandson Charan if he had come back from work, but he hadn’t. She thought she should save some money and buy him a bicycle. She spread out a floor mat, and sat on it exhausted. Her weak body couldn’t handle this stress as it used to all these days, she thought. She almost fell asleep but then she got up and headed into the kitchen recollecting that Charan would return home hungry any time now.


Charan continued eating, with his mind wandering all over the place. He hardly realized that he had emptied the box and there was nothing left in the box now. That’s when he closed the box, wiped his mouth and hands, neatly folded the cloth, clinged the carrier back onto his shoulder and stood up to leave. He literally lurched out of shock when he saw the man who was sitting opposite to him, fallen down unconsciously. He hurried towards him, shook him, sprinkled some water from his bottle on him, but the man dint respond. He checked for breath and he was relieved learning that the man was breathing. He looked out if anyone were around, but no one. He ran to the gate to see if he could find help but to his bad luck, again no one in the street. The sun had departed and the road was pitch dark without the street-lights. He scanned through the left and right sides of the street. His eyes discovered a ‘Nursing-Home’ at the right end of the street. He ran back to the man and contemplated how he could carry the man to the nursing home. He could see no other option but to carry him on his shoulders. After being accustomed to carrying loads of cement bags at his work, he had it in him to carry the man over his shoulders. Doing so, he hurried along the dark street towards the nursing home.



Lakshmi had prepared a dish with whatever little she had at home. She transferred it into two plates, covered them and kept it aside waiting for Charan to arrive. She went upto the main door and sat at the entrance gazing at the sky feeling helpless about her impecunious state of living. Her home was situated in such an isolated place that mosquitoes and stray dogs were their only neighbours. A cold breeze blew and she wrapped herself tightly with her hands. She thought she should buy a woolen sweater for her grandson who would have to travel daily in this cold weather. She looked into the night sky and got immersed into thoughts.


The stretcher was brought and Charan transferred the man onto it and they rushed him inside the nursing home. Charan found a seat for himself and sat there worried. The hospital staff informed the man’s family, through the cell phone they had found in his pocket. Charan wanted to leave, but decided to wait until he heard from the doctor. Meanwhile, the man’s family arrived with worried looks on their faces. And then, the doctor came out of the room and informed the family members that he was out of danger. Charan felt relieved and then felt ambivalent if he should talk to the family members or just walk away. For a fact, he was never avaricious and dint expect favours. Since the family members were in a state of shock, Charan decided to leave. He walked hurriedly towards home as his grandmother would be worried of his late coming.


Lakshmi still sat at the door now feeling a bit tensed about Charan not yet arriving home. A small pain in her chest began but it went unnoticed, as she was worrying about her grandson. But the pain loomed larger. She felt a prick in her heart. Her breathing became harder, faster and shorter. She felt her heart contracting. With one hand on her chest she tried to stand up to fetch some water for herself. As she stood, she felt an intense pull from her heart and felt air being almost pumped out of her and within no time she collapsed and fell. She reposed with her head resting on the door frame and the rest of the body extending outside of her home.



Charan, who was walking briskly, now as he came closer to the house began sprinting excitedly. He wanted to say to her that he had saved a life today. His running stopped abruptly at the entrance of his home. His grandmother was lying there. He moved forward silently, fell to his knees, checked her breath but there was nothing. He looked around but he could find no one. He looked up at the sky, he looked left, he looked right, he stood & fluttered to and fro around her body with his legs trembling. He called out to his grandmother hoping he could get a reply. He felt numb. He let 2 minutes pass by and then walked to the door, sat next to her, lifted and rested her head on his lap and sat staring at her face. His tears dripped onto her forehead, he wiped it and said as if he was talking to her- “ I saved a life today… but ……” tears hurried through his cheeks.


First Salary. Grandmother's final journey.


( Tried something different. Let me know.)

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One Rain, Many Faces..!!



(I had written this for Writer's Lounge. The challenge here is a 400 word limit and the theme being 'Rain'....)




On a lovely wet evening with my car’s wipers dancing in unison, I along with Anjali were speeding along a deserted road. I wondered if God had lost patience with me and had gifted me this free car wash. Anyway, as I steered along I managed a few glances towards her sitting next to me. As usually, she was lost. It was on one such rainy evening that we had hugged each other an ‘I-Love-You’. Since then, every spell of rain made me nostalgic and it gave me goosebumps. I loved rain.

It was only a while ago that she had called me and said- “ Can you pick me n take me home now?” As always, here I was, by her side. Anyway, I thought I should remind her of my existence and so said- “Hello madam! Lost into wonderland?” No reply. It wasn’t her birthday nor were we married to remember the anniversary date and all that. Anyway, she would tell me if there was something.

Also I had my own problems. Me and nature shared close associations, in the sense that every time it rains, I get a ‘Nature Call’. I spotted a public rest room, parked the car, informed her- “ I need to visit the White-House” and ran to finish my duties. I came back, pulled out my blazer from the rear seat, put it on, hit the accelerator and said- “From the White-House to Your House” and left. I felt like James Bond, with a sulky Bond girl on board.

After the ride of about an hour, which included few more of my featherbrained jokes greeted with ‘no reactions’, we reached the end of her street where I usually drop her off. In an attempt to cheer her up, I pretended to call up someone on my phone and announced- “ Hello. See, in 5 seconds Anjali is going to laugh….. 5,4,3,2,1” and I looked at her in anticipation. She pulled me over by my blazer, rested her forehead on my chest and started crying. She said - “Please drop me off at the gate.”

Something was seriously wrong. As we approached I saw people and an ambulance outside the gate. She held my hand tight with her forehead still resting on my chest- “ My mom. 2 hours ago. Heart Attack.”

Now, every time it rains, memories kill me.

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10 seconds later......



“I love rain” I screamed and looked up at the rain and the sky, releasing my hands from the brake.

10 seconds later…..

I saw myself sleeping on the road as if using the pavement as a pillow. A few metres away, the motorbike was sleeping with oil leaking out. Behind it was my friend Roshan, the poor soul who was seated behind me. He too laid flat on his tummy with his hands stretched. It looked as if he was taking blessings from the road divider. We discovered that we were lucky enough to be spared with just minor bruises here and there.

Maintaining my posture, I shouted loudly- “ I love rain.”

He greeted me with stones and said- “ You and your stupid rain.”

“Sorry, the bike slipped and I couldn’t control.”

“Did you bribe to get your driving license?”

“Who said I have one?” I replied with a smile.

Anyway, before any trucks could run over us, we got up, lifted, started the bike and left. On his orders, I slipped to the back seat. It was me who had insisted on this ‘outing-when-it’s-raining’ concept. Hence I was the abuse receiver. Anyway, we continued. The ride was silent for a while.



I was loosing patience, so asked- “ Where are we heading to? Coffee Day right?”

“We would have been traveling to hell if a truck or something was behind us when we fell.” He corrected “sorry, when you made us fall.” He looked restless and said- “ We are heading straight to home where you will order for pizzas.”

“ Anything if you are paying.”

“I’m not paying. Who the hell needed this ride when it’s raining? It’s such a pain in the ass to ride on wet roads. You are paying. I hate rain.”

“Are you from Mars?”

I never get replies for such queries. Anyway, we rode along with silence. I felt like I was dancing. I mean, the way he rides the bike is above atrocious. If this guy had a driving license, what else could be more insulting for mother India?

Anyway,I was getting bored. To my left I saw a temple and asked him – “ Shall we go meet the god?”

“Shut up. One more word, and you will be on your journey to meet god in person.”

I found that line funny- Meet god in person..!! In a weird way, I actually feel much closer to god when he’s riding than when I go to a temple. I basically resemble Gandhi-ji and I follow - "No violence. Only Silence.”, so dint tell him about my feelings.

After 15 minutes, we almost reached home, and he was turning the bike into the street in Rajnikanth style.
And I shouted- “Hey.. Hey...Look out you, ass....”

10 seconds later………….

I found myself sleeping on the road with the pavement as my pillow. A few metres away, the bike was sleeping with the remaining oil leaking out. And Roshan was again taking blessings from the road divider.

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The same old silly kids..!!



Over the phone-

Me – “ Why are you following me like the ‘Hutch’ dog?”

Roshan- “ Give me an ‘Idea’ which can change my life.”

Me- “Dude, ‘Think Hatke’.”

Roshan- “I’m just Expressing Myself with my Airtel.”

Me- “I lost my ‘Virgin’ last week. Now I’ve started to wonder if I should ‘Express Myself’ or get followed by the ‘Hutch’ dog.”

Roshan- “Haha... Macha, you haven’t changed one bit. Not one bit.”

Me- “Haha. Same to you.”

This is the problem with school friends. Even, years after passing out of school within no time we end up acting like school kids.

Roshan- “ It’s been four years since we met. You comin’ tomorrow right?”

Me- “ No. I’ve got to meet this guy who cried after his senior in school, Pooja rejected his love letter.” (It was himself of course.)

Roshan- “ Haha. Fuck You. See you tomorrow.” We had fitted ourselves into the ‘spoilt kids’ category where ‘fuck you’ just means ‘Please be quiet’.

Me- “Sure. Cya.” We hung up.

The next day, a Sunday, I reached my old school gates. I was amazed to see the same watchman who was there during my time. My time doesn’t mean like a hundred years, just 6 years but even then I got that weird feeling. Today, I was in fact late by half an hour to the fixed-up time. Roshan wasn’t here yet. In our group of school friends, it was kind of an unwritten rule that the guy who came first for a meeting was the dumb guy. The number of different words with which I used to be addressed, the word ‘dumb guy’ sounded something like calling me ‘Gandhiji’(with due respect). I mean, such were the other words.

So, anyway I waited restlessly looking out for my ‘chaddi dosth’. Meanwhile, an old man asked me for directions to the shopping complex, and me- ‘Mr. Responsible Citizen’, held his hand and took him to the place. He gifted me a pen in return. I thought I should fall to his feet and take blessings, but me, ‘Mr. Shy’ just said thanks and went back to do the thing I’m so used to doing with my girl friend- Waiting. Just as I was about to get irritated I got a hard punch on my back bone and I almost fell forward coughing away. It was that damn Roshan. He said with his knuckles in pain- “Ouchh..!! My knuckles. What do you eat, you idiot?”

I was pissed off with that much pain and replied with difficulty – “ Cow dung. Aahhh…..! How hard you hit me, you asshole… Mr. Pooja.” ( As you know Pooja was his ex-senior girl friend, and Mr.Pooja was his nick name)

He hit me again, twisted my arm and said- “ What?? What?? “

I growled- “ Aaahhh..!! sorry. Mr. Roshan… Roshan.” He released my arm.

I stared at him and laughed and he stared at me and laughed. Then we shook hands and decided to take a walk. We were basically gentlemen. We did some formal enquiries, then talked about this & that and that & this. He asked me if I’m still using my cousin sister’s bicycle. I silenced him with a life threat. Through the walk, we generally talked about our school days, our teachers, life in general ( it was weird though), future, my new neighbour and so on.

We stopped at the bakery, which was our lunch time destination during school. Roshan used to preach and make us follow- “ An Apple Cake a day keeps the Doctor away.” Anyway, we bought and ate two cakes along with 300ml of insecticides, I mean Coke. We continued our walk-the-talk to our school playground and there we did sat-the-talk, what ever that is.

Though this sounds all funny and silly, we were having a great time. We were rekindling the fun of school life, which was the best part of our lives. I tell you, meeting an old friend can be the best rejuvenating experience one can have. We never know why we separate after school. Some never call, some call once a week, and then as time passes by it’ll reduce to a call per year. In a few years we ’d feel there is something missing in the jigsaw and when we meet up with those oldies (wink) it feels we’ve just found the missing block. I certainly felt it that way that day. I felt like I was 13 all over again, though my silly friends keep telling me to ‘grow up’ every now & then.

We then had lunch and left for a game of ‘Bowling’. Then roamed around, discussed matters of national importance such as – Who-is-Miss-India, he blabbered about bikes, we decided to keep meeting often followed by all such routine dialogues. We finally shook hands and decided to leave. As we were about to leave-

Roshan- “ U a ‘Virgin’?”

Me- “No. ‘Hutch’ dog.”

Roshan- “ You haven’t changed one bit. Not one bit.”

Me- “Haha. Same to you.”

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Tokens Of Affection..!!






On May, some date, 1999, there was a 'Tennis Ball' cricket match played between 16th main street and 18th main street. I was the Dhoni( I mean Captain) of street 16. We decided to play the match with a betting of Rs. 500. The winning team gets the 500 bucks and the man of the match ( or the child of the match) gets a trophy. The trophy was such that if I blew hard at it, it would break into pieces. But anyway, it was supposed to be a trophy. My team bowled first. We gave it the best shot using all the tricks of the trade. Thanks to me of course. I took 3 wickets, and with every wicket I jumped like I had ants inside my pants. For one second, a thought passed through my mind that I could be the captain of India some day. That can now qualify as the joke of the millenium. Anyway, then came our batting. Batting was like butter and cheese for me. I spanked them all over the place and took my team to an easy win. And I was awarded the Child Of The Match. They gave me the trophy inside which I saw it's bill which read Rs.110. Irresponsible organisers.
Anyway, I was the proudest guy that day. I went home and told mom and dad the cricket story with some masala added of course.

The reason why I pestered you with this story is to tell you that, that was the only occasion I ever got an award. Now people are giving me awards over awards. So, I check out my name twice if it was meant to be given to me or was it a typo error.
Anyway, on a serious note, I thank you Stephen & "Pretty Me" (ya again- 'Pretty You' not me) for giving me those awards. I know they are not awards, but just a token of affection, which is very kind on you people's part to pass it on to me. Thank you..!!

Well, now it's my turn to pass it on to some of my fellow, affectionate, supportive, patient[;)]bloggers. Enjoy..!!

Sunny Raju - I've known him since the time I started my blog. It was with his help that I have a blog for myself. Thanks Sunil. And not to forget his blog where he writes about various aspects of the society. Check it out..!!

Tejesh - The funny dude. His blog's full of rib tickling posts. Rock On..!!

Tara - I came across her blog recently. Lots of relatable stuff which I love to read. Keep It Going..!!

Akansha - The alrounder. She's writes almost everything from reviews to well woven stories. Check Out. Good going..!!

Neha ( Misty Rhythm) - It's always been nice reading her blog. You would be reading it and suddenly you feel you've realised something. Go on, please.!!

Chintan - He writes topics varying from social issues to Girl issues. lol. It's a fun read out there. On and on, keep it comin..!!

Stephen - I am amazed at this guy's energy towards blogging. His ( and our "_") Writer's Lounge is a wonderful place. All kinds of people and all kinds of posts is it s speciality. He's got a load of such awards already, nevertheless it's for u.

Priyanka - My new blog dosth. Sweet poems are her trademark. More and more we would like to see, so keep posting..!!

Pretty Me - Man, she writes wonderful small poems. The depth in them is truly amazing. Dil maange more !!..Keep Posting..!!

Teena - She writes poems on various social awareness topics. She's been a good mate and hope we continue to be. Post often is my order..!!

Manorath - Man, this guy can do magic with words. The way he writes & the usage of words gets me awe struck. He says he's busy and has almost stopped blogging. I really do hope he gets back to blogging.



I know, I would have forgotten a few names. After all, I'm the king of the kingdom called 'Laziness'. Please never mind. Thanks to all.

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Our dumb acts continue..!!



Me- “ Hey dude, slow down the bike. We don’t wanna reach there before the bride and the bridegroom. Also the roads are wet.”

Vinod- “ This is the slowest I can go.”

Me- “ Okay. The rain is getting heavier. Stop by the side. I don’t want to go with wet clothes to a wedding reception.”

Vinod- “ No stopping. This is fun.”

A speeding car ran through a pothole and it splashed water on my right from my face to my waist. My favourite light blue shirt now had brown unpleasant circles on them.

Me- “ Okay, now it’s fun. Asshole.”

Vinod- “ You are acting like an old man since evening.”

Me- “ Have you ever heard old people’s abuses?”

Vinod – “ Oh! Enough. Shut up. I was never interested to go to this reception in the first place. It was you who told Imran- Oh yeah definitely I’ll be there and all that crap. I had told him I’ll be out of town so cant attend the reception.”

Me- “ Imran is our close friend and it’s his own brother’s wedding. When someone’s invited us, it is only kind that we attend, at least as a respect for our relationship.”

Vinod- “ Look, the old man’s talking.”

Me- “ After the talking, next comes the bashing and the abusing. So, screw it all up and ride.”

Vinod- “ He dint even send us the invitation card, man. He just called us over phone. And you talk about respect and shit.”

Me- “ Haha. Now who’s the old man?”

Anyway, we reached the hotel with me all wet and dirty. He wore a jacket and so was fine. I demanded him the jacket and wore it to cover my dirty shirt. But in a way I felt the dirty shirt was better than his silly red jacket with “No Fear” written over it. I checked out my watch to know that it was 7pm and I recollected that Imran told us to be there by 7. So, we were bang on time. Vinod entered the main entrance without waiting for me and I had to follow him. He walked as if he knew the hotel left and right. He spotted the party hall entrance and waited for me there. We both entered and a well dressed old man said- “ Please come in.” He showed us to the line of chairs and said- “ Please be seated. The bride and the bridegroom are stuck in traffic. They will be here soon.” The hall was deserted except for a few countable number of people and four photographers. For a small hall, four was too much. Maybe they wanted to see all angles of their guests.

Two of them came towards us as if they were launching an attacking on us but just took photographs of us from almost all angles. One of them came so close to me that I wanted to kick him there. I mean, I was wearing this silly jacket on a wedding reception and this guy takes photographs of me as if I’m the Brand Ambassador of ‘No-Fear’.

Vinod- “ See, he told us 7pm and the damn bride and bridegroom aren’t here yet. That stupid Imran.” He looked irritated and continued- “Hey this idiotic photographer is trying to kiss me or what. Tell him to back off.”

Me- “ Macha, enjoy.”

We passed one hour and the people who matter dint arrive yet. Our buttocks were getting sour. Meanwhile, those photographers dint know how to pass time so they took a few more photos of me and him. For a change I gave different poses and a smile. It was getting too boring. We drank three glasses of the ‘Welcome Drink’of water melon juice.

Vinod- “ Damn. I’m leaving. Call that idiotic Imran and tell him we are leaving.”

Me- “ He isn’t using his phone since last week.”

Vinod- “ Okay. Come on. Get up, lets leave.” He digged through his pocket and said-“ Wait, my phone’s ringing. Take, It’s Imran.” He passed the phone to me.

Imran- “ Where are you guys man?”

Me- “ Where are you? We are waiting in the party hall since one hour and now our buttocks are paining.”

Imran- “ Shut up. Stop kidding. I’m waiting here in the hall for you. You are not here.”

Me- “ Okay now stop joking and tell me.”

Imran- “ Hey idiot I’m waiting in the party hall. Hey wait, which party hall are you in? Are you in the ‘ground-floor’ one?”

Me- “ Yes. Of course.”

Imran- “ Come to the third floor you silly crack cases. What kind of dumb people you both are man? That’s a different function there.”

Me- “ Who the hell knew there are two party halls here. Okay wait, we’ll be there.”

We went to the correct hall, wished the couple, gave them a present and spoke to Imran.

Imran- “I just can’t believe you guys, man? Really stupid.”

Vinod- “ Yes. That is why we came here.”

Imran dint get that and I was happy for that. Next was the most important programme of the evening- eating. We ate, and ate like pigs. After two rounds of ice cream, as we were about to leave, Imran commented on the jacket- “ No Fear? It should be – No Senses.”

Vinod- “ Yes. That is why we came here.”

Imran again dint get it and I was happy once again.

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I, me and Myself ...



(The last time I did a tag, I thought I will never do another tag again. But here I am with a tag that Priyanka passed on and insisted that I do it. After all I'm not a stubborn person. ;) )

Oldest Memories –

It goes back to a very young age when I used to wait for my dad every evening to come back from office to take me for a ride on his new bike. On the way back from the ride everyday, I used to hope he would buy me a ‘5 STAR’ chocolate but I never asked. See, what a wonderful kid I was.

I also remember, once when my dad took me to buy a dress for my birthday, I selected a white-and-white combination of shirt and shorts. I was as pure as our politicians (if you already started cursing me, then stop). My dad didn’t buy me that for which obviously I dint like my father for 2 days.

And this one, I don’t remember this but my parents keep telling me this every time I am in the airport. It seems that I had pissed on my mom’s saree on my first ever flight journey. That was a punishment for my mom for being over confident with me that she took me without a diaper. But poor she, it would have been so embarrassing.

Then this one, the ultimate one. At the age of 3, I used to go to a play home not so much for learning anything there but more so because my parents were working and we weren’t ultra rich and hence I had spend my day somewhere. A girl of my age used to come to the play home. She and me were best (I used to say bestest) friends at that point of time. When my parents came every evening to pick me up, she used to cry and even hit my parents for taking me away. God gave me the powers of attraction at the wrong age, I suppose. Just Kidding.
I keep dreaming of how it would be to meet her now. It would be wonderful as well as kind of weird.
Anyways, if you have survived the post till here then please take the trouble of reading further.

What were you doing ten years ago?

I was in grade 7 ten years ago. I was listening to a lot of ‘Backstreet Boys’. That year was the last occasion that I had topped my class. I was my class teacher’s favourite. I was a very well behaved child then (please believe me). Fortunately or unfortunately she stayed very close to my home and she knew my parents well enough. I remember I had gone for a movie called “Dillagi’ along with her and her family members. How many of you have done that?

TODAY

Today, I’m a very changed person. I am somebody but I want to be somebody else. The route to become that somebody else isn’t an easy one. And right now, things aren’t going the way I want it to. I’m quite a worried person since a year. Just that people around me will never notice that.

TOMORROW


If you read my ‘TODAY’ then this would be predictable. I want to be someone whom I want to be, not someone else. But other than this I don’t see much into the future. Anyways, my worries for myself.

What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?

If by then I wouldn’t have been shot by any of these terrorists, I picture myself sitting idle, lazily on the sofa on a Sunday morning and ask my wife- “ One cup coffee please?” and I would get a loud reply – “ Go make it for yourself, I’m cleaning the house.” I paint quite a picture, don’t I?
But on a serious note, I really have no idea. I just hope everything goes fine.

If you had a time capsule, what would it contain?

Most special to me has been my mother and my little sister and then my dad. But in fact, all nice people would be on my ‘time capsule’.

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Totally Jammed.......!!!


I discovered a game of ‘car-race’ on my phone, I listened to some stupid radio station, I ate peanuts and I almost pulled off my hair, all while I was sitting alone in the driver’s seat of my car stuck in a mega traffic jam. I could only see an ocean of vehicles all around me. The traffic wasn’t moving a bit. It had been an hour now and I deduced that it was not a regular traffic jam. Meanwhile all the roadside sellers got busy selling peanuts, cucumbers and water packets. I called the ‘peanut-guy’ and asked – “What’s this traffic jam about?”

He said – “ Don’t you read the newspaper?” I usually give one chance before I bash up someone when they ask questions like that.

I said –“ I’m very poor. I don’t have money to buy a newspaper. Can you please tell me?”

He looked at me weirdly and said- “ There is a JD-S ( a political party here in Karnataka) rally going on. It might take at least another two hours to clear.”

“ How far ahead is the traffic blocked?”

“Around 5 kms” he said and asked if I wanted some peanuts.

“Yes” I said and gave him five bucks.

“You said you are poor and you don’t have money?” he asked. I dint slap him, I just smiled.

Okay, now it made sense. There were two big posters on both sides of the road in front of me with those party leaders all smiling along with a caption- “Sons of the soil.” I dint have any stones with me, so I dint pelt any on them. I then grabbed my phone out so that I could make a few calls to my jobless friends and pass time. Jeezzzz…. The network was jammed. Since I had switched off my car, I opened all the windows for some air. The guy in a car to the left of mine called out to me and asked- “ How do I have to go to reach ‘The Windsor Manor’?”

“ I guess, you’ve got to fly above all these vehicles here.” I said.

He turned to his people accompanying him in his car and would have said something like- “Look at that guy in that car. He’s such a dumb ass.” But he looked back at me with an irritating face and asked- “ After the traffic clears, which way should I go? Tell me properly.”

I’m not a dumb ass, so I replied- “ Same road ahead. About 5 kms from here.”

“Thank You” he said, which sounded like ‘Get Lost’.

On my right was a ‘Ford’ with a cool looking aunty sitting over the side closer to me. We both looked at each other and exchanged sad smiles. She relocated her sunglasses to her forehead and said- “ These politicians na, they are such idiots. Irresponsible idiots. See their posters, they are a shame and they say they are the ‘sons of the soil’.”

“Shall we send them back into the soil, aunty?”

“Haha. But, really they are senseless.”

“Yeah. They are our so-called ‘leaders’ and their sons (who are local rowdies) are our future leaders. You and I would only die of BP arguing about all this, but it makes no difference.”

Aunty liked me. She smiled and said- “ Yeah. That’s true. So since how long have you been a resident of Bangalore?”

“I was born here, aunty. I’m the ‘Son of the soil’.”

“haha. Good one.”

Anyway, then I got out of the car, stretched myself. Found a public telephone, called my parents and informed them that I will be late. I then spotted a police guy and thought about sharing the idea of ‘sending the sons of the soil back to the soil’ but then I would be counting rods of the prison door with a few complimentary strokes on my back. So, cleverly I went back to my car, reclined the seats to the extent, closed all the windows to three quarters and slept.

I dreamt of me roaming around in the US. Every time man….. every single time…

About two hours later, in between my dream and reality I heard sounds with 3D effects as if devils were entering. I suddenly woke up to find out that the vehicles behind me were honking and the traffic was moving. I put the car into ignition and started. After an hour and a half I reached my home, for dinner, ate the food, which was prepared as lunch originally and slept again. One heck of a ‘jammy evening’.

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Doomed..!!


Neha – “ You are sooooo sweeeeet RJ .”

Me (RJ- aRJun) – “ Oh really? Am I so?” obviously I’m so.

My cell phone as ever disturbed me and it was VJ (ViJay) on the other side.

VJ- “Hey RJ! I got to take my brother to the dentist.”

Me- “ So?”

VJ-“ And then I have some very important work to do.”

Me- “ So?”

VJ- “ I have to give a presentation in the class tomorrow. A power point presentation.”

Me- “So?”

VJ- “ You got to do it for me. I mean , prepare the slides and I’ll collect it from you by evening. Moreover, I’m not feeling well.”

Me- “ Then go fall in the well. You see flowers in my ears or what? You do this every time.”

VJ- “ I’ll do the SS assignment for you. I promise. Please dude?”

I hated SS as a subject. My SS (Signals & Systems) text book has been my latest sleeping partner. The more I read the more I got confused and the more I get confused more I sleep. Kind of weird but true. Anyway, VJ hit me on my weak point.

Me- “ Okay. Get the details and the text for the slides soon to my home.”

VJ- “ Thank You. And by the way, how u doin?”

It hadn’t been even a day since we met. But I knew where that line had come from.

Me- “ I’m not falling for all that. Screw up everything of yours and come soon.” We hung up.



Back to the messenger - Gtalk. Neha, my classmate was online. I never said out loud anywhere but I kind of liked her.

Neha- “ So, what are your hobbies?”

Me- “ I collect stamps and old coins.” I haven’t seen a stamp in ten years.

Neha- “ Oh yeah? Very good. I too do that. I want to see your collection.”

Me- “ Were you a mischievous girl in school or the innocent kind? ” stupid as it gets but anything to change the topic. Stamps, old coins, what bullshit?

Neha- “ I was very naughty, u know? Once when I was 15, I had eaten an ice cream and never paid for that. Haha…” She must have giggled, I thought. She typed- “ What about you? What kind were you those days?”

Me- “ I was a very innocent guy. Just that I never paid for pani puri since the age of 6.”

Neha- “haha… stupid.” This must have either meant- ‘ Oh what a nice sense of humour you have. You are an interesting guy.’ Or rather it just meant – ‘What a stupid guy you are.”

Me- “ In fact, until the age of 15, I thought my name was ‘Stupid’.”

Neha- “ haha…. Who dared to change it after 15? ;), Anyway RJ, I got to leave now. See you at college tomorrow.”

Me- “ Yeah. Cya.”

I like her man, I really do. She keeps boasting about me and who hates that? Anyway, as I keep saying – “ My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying” nothing comes easy to me.

15 minutes later VJ drops by and gives me his pen-drive and departs. Over the next 2 hours or so, I completed his work in a not so bad way. As a matter of fact, anything was good for him. Nobody was at home and I felt bored. I switched on the TV and to my wonderful luck the power went off. There was a carving of ‘Lord Ganesh’ on the wall and I stared at it as if to say- “ what is the matter with you?” and turned away.

I then went out to the balcony. It was 6 in the evening now. Two children were playing badminton on the street and I had a good neck exercise watching them play. A few younger children were playing ‘Hide-n-Seek’. I tried to help the guy who was seeking and all the other children noticed it and started singing at him and me –“ Cheater- Cheater – Cheater.” I felt like jumping off the balcony. Just then I saw my neighbour walk out. He’s Ankit, a junior to me. He’s the ‘Dude of the area’ kind. He called out – “ Hey RJ, you free now? I got to get my guitar repaired. Would you join me?”

I yelled out- “ 2 mins dude. I’ll come.”

I got ready and left with him. It was the first time I sat behind him in a two wheeler and at once I felt ‘bungee-jumping’ was better. We reached the place and he went in with his guitar while I was standing outside checking out the ‘Café Coffee Day’ female customers. The place was filled with jobless people and couples, I thought. I never had the talent to drink coffee for an hour, so I wasn’t a regular to such outlets.

As I gazed through, I found a guy with a black T-shirt sitting alone in a table. No prizes for guesses, it was that damn VJ. He deserved a tight bash on his nose. I breezed through people into the outlet towards his table. As I saw him, he too spotted me. As I almost reached him, a girl came with two mugs of coffee mugs and slid opposite him in his table. Small prizes for guessing, it was Neha. I stood still for a minute maybe with my mouth open. She din’t spot me but VJ was still looking at me with a question mark on his face. Nobody knew how to react. I swallowed all the abuses which usually comes to my mind in a flash, looked into his eyes as if to say- “ What an ultimate asshole you are”, took an about turn and left breezing away with another bungee jump into my ‘home-sweet-safe-home’.

The next day, VJ got a full dose from me and about Neha, I decided it’s better to concentrate on SS. At least I would have an outside chance.

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Super Raman



The door bell rang at 6 in the morning. I came out of a wonderful dream where in I was riding a bike in Switzerland. I got up and dragged myself to the door to open it. A bell ring was far out of range to wake up my mom and my sister, so I had to open the door. I opened it and it was our car cleaner. He ordered- “ Give the car keys.” I wanted to ask him – “When did u become the owner of my car?” but I spared him and simply passed the keys. He washed the car talking to someone over his cell phone. They spend rs.4000 change on a cell phone when they don’t know how to manage their family for the next meal.

Anyway, I finished my morning activities and went to the gate. He was still cleaning the car wearing an innocent face. He looked at me and said cheerfully- “ What sir? You’ve lost weight..!!”
I checked if anyone had heard that and giggled. No one. I said-“ I’ve stopped eating.”

“Why?” he asked.

“I bought a cell phone. I don’t have any money left.”

Mad fellow, dint understand that and said- “really?”

“ See if you can get me a job.”

“ Come on sir, you must be joking.”

“ Thank God! You have a brain.”

He laughed. He said-“ That movie that I was telling you about last week has now released. Tamil movie. I heard it is super.”

“The movie is super or the movie’s name is super?”

He laughed as if to say- what kind of a dumb ass you are and said-“ Not the name. The movie is super. It’s name is- Billa.”

“Shall we go?”
It's fun sometimes. Away from the expensive multiplexes, silent crowds and all that. 'Watch a mass movie along with the masses'. Sit in an uncomfortable chair, without air conditioning and enjoy the charged atmosphere. I don't mind it once in a while, you see.

“What? You and me?” he asked as if he got an electric shock.

“No. You and my spirit.”

“Ha ha. Sure Sir. We shall go to the Lido theatre.”

“Okay boss.”

“ I’ll come back here in one hour” he said and walked back with a spring in his step.

I entered my home and by now my mom was awake. I told her that I’m going to a movie with ‘Raman’. She asked- “ The car cleaner?”
I said “yes” and quickly walked away to my room. My sister was there and she asked-“ Did your girl friend dump you or what?” and giggled.

I stared at her and said- “ Shut up and go sleep.”

She again giggled and walked away. I got ready. Raman came 5 mins earlier to the fixed time. I got my bike and we started and left. On the way, from behind he asked me over my shoulders-“ Sir, do you have a girl friend?”

“ You know Bipasha Basu?” I asked seriously.

“Yeah. So?”

“I recently broke up with her. I’m seeing my colleague now.” Poor guy dint know I was full of bullshit.

We reached the theatre and it was one of those old style theatres and there was a long queue for the tickets. I said-“ Go fast and stand in the queue.”

“You don’t worry, Sir” he said and walked straight into the theatre’s office room. Meanwhile I parked my bike, returned and stood near the entrance. After a while he came and I ordered him- “ Go fast. Stand in the queue.”

He drew out two tickets from his pocket and showed it to me and said- “ I know the ticket counter guy here.”
I looked at him and wanted to say something witty but refrained. We entered the theatre and he started laughing out loud all of a sudden.
“Now, what happened?” I asked.

“ You broke up with Bipasha Basu??? Hahahaha… Nice joke.”

Oh my god. I should have simply stayed at home.

The movie began and then came the moment where the Hero of the movie arrives and all the other heroes in the theatre whistles. I too put my fingers under my tongue and blew a loud whistle. Raman looked at me in astonishment just like a proud father would look at his son and said –“ Super sir. Super.”
I winked.

After the movie we went to a restaurant. He ate as much as I could have in two days. Of course he knew I was going to pay the bill. Over lunch he asked- “ How was the movie, Sir?”

“Super” I said in his language trying to please him.It wasn’t bad actually. Though I don’t understand tamil much, I know that much that their movies are technically very sound. In fact, far better than bollywood. I conveyed that to Raman and he became blissful as if he had directed that movie or something.

Anyway, after a day of very different kind of fun (for me) we reached home. Just as he was about to leave, he asked-“ Sir, can you lend me rs.1000? I need it, Sir. You can deduct it from my salary.”

I’m a wonderful human being, just if you dint know. More so, I was in good mood. So I counted out the amount and passed it to him.

Now after a month, I realize that that was the last time I met him. He never turned up to work after that. I pictured him spilling all that money in a bar or on a new cell phone. Now, my mom gives me lessons on crap like not to get carried away and so on. My sister keeps pestering me with queries like - “ Remember if you had given rs.1000 to your ex-girl friend by any chance?? Just askin man…She too never came back...” ( I had spent more than 1000 bucks on that bitch. That’s a different matter)

Anyway, I still keep saying- “ I’m a wonderful human being. I helped a poor guy.”On hearing this, one of my friend broke his jaw when he fell down from his chair laughing at me.

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Meet The Gods



Me and another three of my friends were recently on a trip to meet the gods of Tirupathi. Though I am not much into prayers and temples kind of stuff, I had no other option but to go with them. One of them, Vikram ( aka Flirt Ram) called me the previous day and said- " You are coming with us to Tirupathi tomorrow. The bus is at 8pm and the tickets are booked. See you at the bus stand" without even letting me reply. Well, those were orders issued by those assholes or rather politely known as friends. I wanted to express my due rights as a citizen of India, so called him back to say -'Screw you. I'm not coming to tirupathi n all'. Dialled his number, the caller tune sang - " All I want to say is they don't really care about us" . He picked up the phone and just as I was about to speak, he said -" Shut up. You are coming." he cut the phone. He deserved a tight bash on his nose.

Our exams had just finished the day before and hence I could guess why these guys wanted to go to Tirupathi. These fantastic friends of mine would go there after every semister exams and drop their exam 'hall-tickets' in the hundi and pray for good results. I used to laugh at it like hell when I had first heard of that, then got used to it, and now I am helpless about it. Man, in India they bribe even God.

Anyway, we met at the bus stand the next day, I gave Vikram one final chance before a nose bash, then left to meet Lord Venkateshwara. We talked all night in the bus and every once in an hour we got an unknown - "Sshhhh..." from behind, which we as irresponsible students dint care for. We reached the place early in the morning and Mr. Vikram guided us to the cottage as if he was a tour guide of that place. Then came the most interesting part- Breakfast. All had 6 items each along with a coffee. When the bill came , all had vanished into the 'hand wash' area leaving me alone. See..?? I went to the restroom, gave the bill to Vikram and said- "You are paying the bill. Thank You." though the 'thank-you' sounded more like 'Fuck You'.

Next we had to go the temple to as I call it -'meeting Lord Venkateshwara'. They dint like me saying that but hell, they wanted me to pay the bill. Screw them. It was a wait of more than 6 hours. I could have watched four english movies in 6 hours, I wondered. Anyway, out of that 6 hours, I slept for 3 hours. The remaining time, I was tackling all the Mr. and Mrs. Pushers. For me, this wait was more about the wonderful laddoo that they give as prasadam. Finally, we met God, they bribed him with their hall-tickets and fell to his feet. I collected and ate the laddoo. There was laddoo in the ghee instead of ghee in the laddoo. I loved it. The three of them had a glow on their faces as if they had already passed with distinctions in the exams. Anyway, it was eleven, so went back to the room, played cards and slept.

Next day was for little sight-seeing. The places were okay, but not really interesting to mention. After lunch, Mr. Vikram bribed Mr.Somebody and got a few extra laddoos for which I had no objection and we descended the hill into the city of Tirupathi. It was 3pm and our bus tickets were for the 11pm bus. We were strolling across a street, a street of half a kilometer having six cinema theatres in it. Now that Lord Venkateshwara will take care of their results, we could watch a movie. The temptations were such. All the six theatres were playing Telugu movies. Two of we four knowing telugu, we watched a movie called 'Ready'(not Reddy). I had to pay for the tickets, obviously. The movie was fun, though I had a torrid time translating those scenes and dialogues to them. Again a few "Sshhh..'s....." from behind. But we hadn't changed into responsible students even after a meeting with God. Anyway, we had dinner in a 3 star hotel when we came to know it was Vikram's treat and then left back to Bangalore, watching the dubbed version of 'Dhoom' in telugu in the bus. More serious the movie became the more we laughed. Anyway, we reached Bangalore early morning. The next few weeks of vacations went on with movies, girl friends and theme parks.

3 months later, came our results. The two guys failed in 2 subjects each. Mr. Vikram failed in four. I, as always, managed with a first class.

" Jai Lord Venkateshwara"

P.S- This is partly fiction. I wrote it when I was in my laziest best. So, don't contemplate too much if it sounded dull. If any of you three guys read this, I hope this is enough for you not to invite me for your next trip to 'Meet The God'. For others, congrats for surviving through the post. Thank You ( This 'thank you' only means- Thank You)

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Mamma Mia ... !!





One boring Sunday evening, with 'Monday blues' already encroached into our minds, me and my friend decided to head off someplace with our destination undecided. You might wonder, how jobless people we were. I tell you, this is fun sometimes. Only sometimes. I gave the honour of riding the bike to my friend. For the first time in his history and my life, the speedometer never crossed 30km/hr over a ride of about 30mins. I imagined - if I was a celebrity, this one would have made it into the headlines of few crappy news channels in India. Something like -"Arjun was spotted in a bike moving not more than 30kms/hr. What could be the reason? please sms your opinions to this number. We have our correspondent live from Bangalore to give more details about this shocking revealation." I was dreaming. I was loving it.
We were heading towards the heart of the city. Sunday evening, no traffic at all. Heaven. He still never crossed the 30 km/hr mark. I got anxious, so shouted loud at him against other sounds of the surroundings - " Are you awake??" Din't get a reply. With a louder voice, I shouted again - "Are you alive??"
"Yes of course you asshole. You would have been sorting out issues in hell if I were asleep." he said politely.
I shouted back - " You are in good mood."

"Lucky for you."

" Thank You."




We passed through Cubbon Park which now, in the dark looked like a jungle. Then came this huge 16 storeyed building, a mall, and an office complex. It's called the UB City. UB is Vijay Mallya's . That meant - High Class. It also meant - Very decently dressed girls in red. Think about that. We can have a debate sometime.
I said - "Stop. Lets checkout this place."
He was awake and hence stopped. The mall was about only 80% complete. Hence there had not been publicity about it, so that meant less people. Something that I can pay for, being in B'lore. We entered in. An F1 model car was at the entrance. My dosth observed it for half an hour. I was passing time, looking out for girls in red. I wan't to meet Vijay Mallya someday. Okay, by the looks of this mall, it was High Class to the high-class. We were only dreaming to be High Class. I mean we were students. Not even our grades were high class.

Anyway, we went window shopping. I swear I hadn't even heard of those names. The outlets, I mean. As a fact we weren't dressed up aptly. Who knew we would end up here . In one of those outlets, we could find some civilization. Attractive, foreign homo-sapiens that too. He said, "I need to buy a pair of shoes for myself. Come on lets have a look. " I thought that was a joke but then we entered the stall, the doors of which were opened by a guy with a wide smile on his face. I thought, I should write to Mallya about this.To replace that guy by a girl. He went straight to the shoe section and enquired a pretty stall girl (of course) about what his shoe size would be. I've never seen a person who could spend half an hour sorting out 'shoe size' matters. He tried out a few of them as well. Poor girl, she must have been thinking that we had rich fathers who gave us credit cards or debit cards.
Anyway, this guy finally came to a conclusion. His size was 9. "Shall I show you few more different varieties, Sir?" She enquired. He asked her - " What's the price of this?"

"It's Rs. 9,700, Sir." she replied. Mamma Mia

He came to me and opened his wallet- There was Rs 40 and some dirt in it. He digged out my wallet from my pocket and discovered Rs.50. Arrogant guy. Anyway, we had a magic figure of Rs.90. He turned back to the girl and said the most stupid thing I've ever heard. He said - "Haha. No . Just that, my Birthday is coming up, so hinting my friend about my shoe size."

She replied - " My boss had hinted me about people like you."

I said to my mind - Mamma Mia

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Acknowledgement - I'm Thankful




Thank you for the acknowledgement, .Matangi. I really appreciate your gesture. I din't actually want to make a post of this, but since it's kind of a rule, and I occasionally follow rules, I am on it.

I further would like to share this one with four( sorry for the tampering) worthy bloggers whom I know.
Manorath - Though he has vanished out of this blogging world since a few months, I like his stuff. He's so good with his vocabulary that I need a dictionary next to me when I read his posts. That also suggests how bad I am. Anyway, that's that.Where are you, guy..??

Tina - The poetess!! Some thought provoking stuff well written. She's published a book of a collection of her poems. That itself speaks. Blog more often, Tee.

Alvia
- Came across her blog recently. She writes some personal experiences which you can kind of relate to. But what I've fallen for is her style of writing. I can't explain but I love it. More often, more often u post , is what I would say.

Neha - I tend to think about my life when i read the blog. Kind of strange, but weirdly true. All the subtle things of life, put in words. I never imagine I can do that. Cheers, Neha.

Okay, since I don't write much posts other than fiction( okay, stupid stories is what I mean), I take this opportunity to thank all the people who have read and commented on my blog. Thank you all for your kind words. Genuine or not is another issue. Thanks once again.

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What a bemused evening..!!


(Here's another fiction coming your way.)


Mr. Barack Obama, walking across me and Mr. George Bush( 2 spoilt brats) sitting by in one of the well known pubs in Washington. We were out vexing Mr. Obama.
Bush – “ Is the kid old enough to get a ‘driving license’ of his own ??”

Me – “ His aunt, Hillary would drive him, don’t you worry.”

Bush – “ Oh!, so Bill must be happy that his wife’s finally employed, eh !! Muahahaha ……. ”
Mr. Obama turned towards us, digged his gun out and and shot at us and said – “Obama..........Barack Obama..” Within seconds, we were both transported to hell.



My cell phone rang, I sprung out of my bed, muttering “ again, the same dream !! Oh God.!!.”
I answered the phone, on the other side was my childhood crony, Roshan.

Roshan – “ It is 6pm now. You were supposed to be here by 5pm assisting me in arrangements for today’s re-union party at my home.”

Me – “ Oh yeah. Sorry, I was busy vexing Mr. Barack Obama.”

Roshan – “What?”

Me – “Nothing, nothing.”

Roshan – “ You ass, make it fast. ”

Me – “ You bet, I’ll be there in 5 mins.” We hung up.

My phone showed me some news – ‘5 missed calls from my girl – Nikitha(my classmate from school)’. I had coined her a shitty nick name – ‘Nikks’, inspired by bollywood movies, you see.
Anyway, I took the risk of calling her up.
She – “ What were you upto whole afternoon?? What is with your stupid phone? Why din’t you receive ?”
Too many questions at a time for a poor guy.

Me – “I was busy studying for exams. Kept my cell phone far away so that I’m not distracted. You’ve got to concentrate you see. ”

She – “ Very funny. I wasn’t born yesterday. See you at the party, you idiot.” For the favour of me coining a nick name, she’s made a countless number of such ones for me. Presently its ‘idiot’.

I may take this occasion to say that we are the most light-hearted couples around. That literally means, I can get away with almost anything.

Anyway, after the tedious process of ‘ selective and smart dressing’, I reached Roshan’s place, eventually after 1 hour. The party was a re-union of a few of our classmates in school. All arranged by the ‘socially active’, presently furious over me and an extrovert Mr. Roshan.

Me – “ Hii..!! ”

Roshan – “ Fuck you. ”

Me – “Ya. . whatever. So what have I got to do now? Has the food arrived?”

Roshan – “Everything’s already arranged, you ass.” ( I would have, under normal circumstances smacked him on his nose for addressing me a ‘ass’ for the second time. But, I’m a born gentleman. Anyway, the world is busy coining nick names.)

Just to play with him a little more, I said – “ The arrangements look awful.”

The intelligent Roshan realized, it was of no use and hence just walked away without a word.

Meanwhile, the hall had filled in it’s capacity with pompous people. The congregation looked good. It was nice meeting all these guys after ages. Hugs & enquiries were all around. Non-punctual Nikks wasn’t here yet. My first crush, Shreya was here, accompanied with her boy friend. The world has lost all it’s ‘singles’, I wondered. Everyone dinned at her presence in the party. She was staring at me, with a sweet smile. We were rekindling the never lost, perpetual, clandestine chemistry between us. I reciprocated the stare and the smile. Like all guys, her boyfriend was observing this. So, I went forward to talk to him.

Me – “Hi, you remember me? I am Arjun”

Him – “Of Course. You remember me? I’m Raj.”

Me – “Yes, I do.” Not at all.
Enough of him, now to Shreya.

Me – “Hey, how have been doing? Longtime…… ” My eyes said – You look gorgeous in black.

She – “I’m good. You ?”

Me – “I’m good too. Where do u put up now?” You look very pretty with loose hair.

She – “Same place. Where’s Nikks?”

Me – “She’ll be here anytime now.” You still look awesome.

Meanwhile, somebody pinched me on my back. It was Nikks. “ Hello everyone”, she announced her presence. Gorgeous Shreya & the boy with bollywood’s favourite name ‘Raj’, responded. I just smiled.

Alongside, I observed a guy (my ex-classmate, of course), sitting in a corner, with a dull face. He never ventured to speak to others. He was sitting isolated, he seemed intimidated. God knows why. He was off-color. With this sight, I almost missed Shreya ji asking me – “ Can you show me to the hand wash?”
Me – "yeah sure. Follow me.” Your hair spray smells great.

On the way, I again noticed that guy, still sitting battered. After showing her the way, I approached the guy and said – “ Hey, You are Rajesh right? I’m Arjun. How are you? Why are you sitting alone?’
He din’t reply. Din’t even bother to look at me.

I continued – “ Shall I get you something to drink?”
Again, no answer, no reaction.

Disgusted by his cavalier attitude, I said firmly – “See dude, this is a party. We are here to enjoy. Cheer up. Nobody wants to see you this way.”
He finally turned towards me. He was alive.
He said “I am madly in love with a girl since 3 years now. She’s here. I want to propose my love to her.”

Me – wow, that’s great. What better time and place to do so. Go on my boy, go on.”
I saw a smile and a cheer on his face, finally.

Me – “Go on. Go on. I’m there for you.”

Him – “Thanks.”

Me – “ Who’s the girl?”

He din’t reply. Instead, he started hurling across the hall, and went straight to Nikks and said to her - “Hey Nikitha, I’ve been madly in love with you since 3 years now. Please do accept my proposal. I’ll go mad without you. Ask Arjun if you doubt me . He propagated me to come up here to you.”

"Dear almighty"

All the eye-balls in the hall gaped at me. I was ‘out-of-stock’ for reactions.


1 hour later, on the way back, me driving, in my car, with a question mark stamped on my forehead. Nikks, seated next to me, still laughing her life out. Shreya and Raj seated behind, with Shreya emanating stares at me through the ‘rear-view’ mirror. Mr.Raj carelessly looking out of the window.

“What a bemused evening….!!!”

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Rendezvous (Out) Of Sorts - 2

(There was an earlier post of mine- Rendezvous (out) Of Sorts. This one is it’s sequel. Hollywood style, you see. You can read that one before you start reading this. If you feel that is too torturous a thing to do, never mind. Read on. And yes, it’s yet another fiction.)






Scene- I was walking my way to the ‘parking area’ of a crowded mall after watching a movie in one of the multiplexes in the same mall. As I was walking along, I spotted my friend rushing through people, with a worried, puzzled look on his face. It seemed as if he was running for life.

Me – “Hey buddy, what’s up?? What happened??”

Him – “White-house….White-house…..Where is the white-house??”, he yelled and cruised into the adjacently located restroom.

Five minutes later I notice him making his way out, wearing an expression, which suggested that he had just experienced the best part of life. He finally took notice of my existence and approached me.

Me – “I thought that was Taj-Mahal !! ”

Him – “No. The one at your home and mine are called Taj-Mahals’. A public toilet is a White-House.”

Me – “Welcome to ‘your stupid world of logicality’.”
He thought that was a joke and laughed.

Him – “Come here for a movie eh??”

Me – “Yeah, with my friend. And before you ask, it’s a guy. What are you upto here?”

Him – “Me just come for shopping with mom.”

Me – “ Your mom is here?? Then I’m outta here. Bye.”

Knowing her mom, who is famous for ‘blowing steam’ into one’s ears, I wanted to vanish out of sight as quickly as possible. So, I quickly turned and rushed but ended up almost bumping onto his mom. We were standing face to face now, with my face drowned in shock. I laughed at my bad luck. I would have cried if I was a child. Get ready to face the Devil’s Advocate, I announced in my mind.

She – “Oh, It’s you..!!”

Me – “ Yeah, it’s me.”, Mr.Noluck.

She – “Do you smoke?”
Where did this question come out off??

Me – “No.” Yes.

She – “I saw you smoking in your balcony the other day.”

Me – “Well okay, once in a while.”

This is one lady who derives extreme pleasures in bullying me. Her version of my bio-data suggests some un-mentionable stuff. All thanks to her son, one heck of a liar. That too a complete head-less, foolish one at it. The weirdest part is – he makes me a part of all his false stories. If you intend to search for a silver lining, here it is – he lies only to his mom.

I looked at him. He was busy typing away on his phone. My mind as ever, is foreboding something in-auspicious, which by the way isn’t such a difficult thing to do when his mom is around. My ever vigilant mind sent out warning signals which said – “Get out of that place, you ass.”

She – “So, how did your Birthday celebrations go?”

Another question out of the blue, nevertheless a dangerous question. I looked at him again, tougher this time. Just then I received a text message on my phone. It was from him. It read – “Last Sunday was your B’day. You treated me in ‘Coffee Day’. The girl sitting next to me was your girl-friend. I was accompanying her when you were in the white-house. That’s when my mom spotted me. Okay? Got it ?”
I stared at him and my awestruck eyes said – “ Screw your ass, you asshole.” He was gazing at the roof.

She – “How was your Birthday celebrations, Mister?”

Me – “It was good, aunty. I spent the evening with him and my girlfriend at ‘Coffee Day’.”

She – “ You have a girlfriend?”

Me – “Yes.” No.

She – “Anyway, we must be leaving now. But I still don’t trust you fellows. Lucky, you got away this time. See ya, Bye.”

Me – “Bye.” which in the exact tone meant – ‘please leave, I’m tired of you both.’

After bidding ‘good-bye’ and ‘finger gesturing’ my dear friend, I turned and headed home, rather pleased. My head is still held upright and I’m not pissed off even after meeting her, wow! a first time for me. I also had this silly feeling of my self-confidence being re-instated.

At home, I went to bed thinking about my friend, his mom and today’s incident, if you can call it so. As similar thoughts passed by, I received a text message on my cell and hell it was from him. It read – “This is your dear friend’s mother. Your friend forgot to delete his ‘Sent’ folder of messages and went to bed. My dear friend, I suggest you to write a book on how you got screwed every time you lied to an intelligent lady. Good Night. Better Luck next time.”
Screw the intelligent lady & her ‘not at all’ intelligent son. I learnt a lesson – Delete all the messages in your phone then and there. I did so not realizing that I had deleted my ‘examination time-table’ message also (for which I kicked myself later) and went to bed.

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Dear Mr.Pushy..


When a relatively old lady with a forceful and a 30 year old professional smile( I guessed) said “ Welcome On-Board Sir ”, I was reminded it was an ‘Indian Airlines' flight and she was the air hostess. Yes, I was leaving to Mumbai on a business trip. Like a kid I had asked for a window seat which took them 15 minutes to allot. Anyway, I found the seat & settled. An aero-plane isn’t a right place for restless people like me. I grabbed a few peanuts & my radio head-set from my bag. The RJ, with an apparent hyper-excited tone said “ Good Morning Bangalore…” followed by some crap and a ‘day ruining’ song. My reflex actions were enough to switch off the radio. My theory on RJs – ‘Good Morning was their only line which made sense’, gained weight. The seat next to me was still empty. All my travel companions till date were men above 50, with whom I end up discussing politics. Maybe the person who allots my seat takes revenge on me for insisting on a window seat.!

Just as it was getting boring, I saw a person with round ‘Mahatma Gandhi’ like glasses, ‘L.K Advani’ like bald head & ‘Charlie Chaplin’ like walk, entering in. He was my lecturer in college for whom I had written a note – “ You Suck” along with my name in capitals, on the last day of college. He spotted me from the distance & waved. I couldn’t even manage a sheepish smile. I am a Gentleman. All the memories of him & college scanned through my mind like a high-speed slide show.

“I am from the air-force and I was a commander” was his routine dialogue in the class. And hence we named him ‘wing-less commander’. He, once pushed me into the principal’s office for not completing my assignment on time. So, I gave him an exclusive name- “Mr. Pushy”. He never liked me since Day 1 , the day when I came late & said “tyre puncture” not realizing that two other guys who were also late but earlier to me had the same reason to say. Poor little me, Joker of Day 1. The day when me and my friends bunked college to watch a movie, he called up only my dad & told him that he had spotted me in a theatre. I still can’t forget the giggle that got out of my dad & mom the same evening when my dad told me about the call & I raised a serious doubt – “ What was he doing near the theatre?”. Anyway, bottom line – He never liked me & I never liked him. Hence I had to hate my answer scripts and it’s evaluation.

Back to the present, he approached me and hell, his seat was next to mine. He had two bags with two striking locks to it of which I assumed the codes would be ‘007’. After looking after the safety of his precious bags, he sat, we smiled but said nothing. The aircraft, after running through the taxiway slowly entered into the main runway for take-off. I broke the ice and enquired “ Sir, do you remember me?”

“I’m not human if I’d forget you”, he said.
I was confused if that was a compliment. The plane gathered speed and just as it took off, he said – “ I SUCKED…”
The plane took off & we both broke into laughter. The journey went absolutely fine and I had found a new friend by the end of it.

(Hey guys, sorry I got it wrong in few logics like-using FM radio on an aero-plane isn't allowed and carrying 2 bags isn't allowed too. It was fiction and my senses were out in the loo....Anyway, I hope u concentrated more on the story..)

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5 Winks....




For the first time I’ve been tagged (thanks to manorath). It’s about five cadres of people who irritate me or the five cadres – ‘I love to hate’. Here it goes….


1.

School Children Who Never Grew Up – A Wink


These are arcane people who go on orchestrating – “ I haven’t studied anything, I think I’ll flunk in exams” and end up being the toppers of the class leaving behind people like me, cheated & ruined of hopes. “Oh u got 80% ?? I scored very less, 90% ” another of their trademark dialogues. I terribly feel enticed to force their faces into a small tank of water & whack them on their backs until the truth is accepted. Over the years, I’ve developed a strategy of “ Screw them at sight” and ended up successful. (Take note, my followers..!!). You would have noticed in a few other posts of mine as well.

2.

“I Have The Best, Not You…” – A Wink


I know a few guys who belong to this ‘hate instigating’ cadre. These are morons who say – “ Sony is better when I buy Samsung & say Samsung is better when I buy Sony.” Sadist & insatiable minded dissidents they are. Hope these ‘back seat drivers’ grow up and start appreciating others for what they are worthy of.

3.

Children Like Competitors Who Never Grew Up – A Wink


Okay, lets start with an example- I say – “ Hey listen, Brad Pitt is gonna play a super hero in his next movie.” And the reply comes- “ Yeaaahhh of course, I know…(in one of the world’s top ten irritating tones)”, when they wouldn’t have even had a clue about it. More girls fall into this category. I fight a losing battle not to piss them off in all possible ways but only in vain. Hey, I realize why I still don’t have a girl friend.

4.

Disgusting habits Which Never Changed – A Wink


This category of people are ‘New Entries’ but strong contenders for a spot in the top3 . I recently had been to my friend’s place when they offered me coffee to be had alongside their family members. This fellow (my friend) started sipping that coffee with a weird, disgusting sound which was then followed by their whole family emanating a kind of DTS effect. It was one of those rare instances when I, out of ultimate disgust left the house in a hurry as if there was a national emergency or something. The same night, I had a dream of taking them all to ‘Coffee Day’. Unbelievable me..!!

5.

“I wont Read Yours But You Read Mine” – Another Wink


Then crawling up to no.5 are spammers who spam on the ‘comments page’ of my blog. “Nice post and a nice blog yar. Do visit mine on www.spamrascals.com ”. I would rather prefer them not commenting. “ My dear Lord, please save them from my curses..!!”


( These were the 5 cadres of people. But, by fact every person would have negatives. It also depends on one’s perspective. Maybe even I’m the sacred cow in another blog. So, I wouldn’t say I hate these cadres of people but would just like to say I observe them, pity them, wink & carry on.)

Now i would tag the following people -

Matangi Mawley)


Priceless Junk - Priya

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Love In Those Salad Days



(Here’s another fiction. Me as Mr.V’, a Software Professional traveling back to his home town after nearly ten years to meet all his relatives, childhood friends and eventually his (ex)girlfriend. )





My car’s speedo read 120 kms/hr. Cricket commentary running on my car radio. Heaviest rainfall of the season lashing and literally beating down. I was driving back to my hometown after a gap of 10 years.

“India, batting first are yet to lose a wicket with 2 runs on the board after the completion of 1 over.” the commentator announced.

Well, it has been ten years since I last visited my town, ten years since I visited my relatives, ten years since I watched a movie in one of those movie tents and ten long years since I met my girlfriend. She is married now but I can’t somehow muster to say ‘ex-girlfriend’. But wait, none of us could express it to one another , so it was more a kind of vandalism(on my part atleast). Every time I made up my mind to express my love I would put it off with the fear of losing her even as a friend, which eventually landed me into a mess in my life. What foolish people we were……!! Nowadays I get paranoid about her with questions such as -if she had ever loved me or if she ever had such feelings for me. I had always had this assumption that she loved me as much as I did. It definitely appeared so.

“India score 60 for the loss of 2 wickets after 10 overs.” The rain was incessantly pouring down. My car’s wipers were wiping in full swing. Still zooming away I was……………

I still can’t forget the day of her marriage. I sort of repent attending the wedding. It was such a painful thing to be there. How could she not realize my love. I just couldn’t accept that it was a mistake on my part not to convey my love. But why didn’t she do the same??. Anyways, I never visited nor talked to her after that. I realized that my worst fears had come true. Amidst all this I also had this filmi feeling that she should stay happy wherever she was and I should never tell her about my feelings that were towards her.

“India score 140 after the completion of 25 overs with the loss of 3 wickets.” Not bad, I thought. Still raining………….

All the fun we had together, all the wonderful sweets she used to prepare for me, all the never-ending conversations we had, all secret meetings during festivals and all the stares we exchanged during classes, oh how can I forget all those feelings of inchoate love. She had an unforgettable winsome smile. What’s heartening is that there was this innocence in our relationship. I realize that now after I witnessed so many break ups in my present place, a city. Life’s different in a city. And I’m not spared too in the change of lifestyles. SIMPLE and COMPLICATED are two words to describe life in a village/town and a city respectively.
Anyway, I was ambivalent if I have to meet her after a long gap or not. And moreover the main difference of now she being married. I was on tenterhooks. I actually wasn’t really looking forward to it.

“India score 270 for 8 after their quota of 50 overs. Target set is 271.” The score’s ‘okey-dokey’ I said to myself. The rain reduced to a drizzle now…….

I now entered my town, came across my primary school building, which hadn’t changed an iota since my school days. With the dilemma of whether to meet her or not and after more than 2 hours of ‘mind contemplation’ I concluded that I would pass by the street where she stays and if I find her I would talk to her or else ‘forget it’. It was hard cheese for me. I entered the street and proceeded dead slow, recognized her home and had a glance over it and even passed it after finding no one. Just when I thought she wasn’t there, I heard a loud female voice calling me by name. I looked back, it was her hurrying towards me from her small garden. I stopped and got down my car. She came running, she looked so excited to see me after almost a decade, she almost hugged me when she suddenly came back to senses and enquired- “ How are you? Where had you been all these days? I’m so happy to see you today….”
With few more of such enquiries and not so realistic replies from both sides, I decided I must move on. I get quite sensitive and emotional during such circumstances.
I had a nettlesome feel in me which I experienced for the first time in my life. A feel of pain and happiness at the same time. Pain that she wasn’t mine and happiness for she was settled happily.
I said – “I have to leave now. I’ll see you some other time.” rather bluntly and got back into my car.

“India lose the match convincingly. Life becomes very difficult for them after this disastrous series. ” said the commentator. How is my life different , I thought…

Just as I brought the car to ignition, she came close to me and asked rather softly – “On the day of my marriage I observed you being so dull and depressed. And when I came to talk to you, your face and body totally drenched in the rain, why did you just go away? ”

My answer was simple- “It wasn’t only the rain which had drenched my face that day…”

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The Poor or Beggars.....??




The traffic signal falls to RED. I switched off my car only to look around the ‘not so interesting’ place. I wouldn’t look to my left as I didn’t want a ‘mouth watering’ session to happen as it usually happens when I see Mc.Donalds. So that meant I was empty enough to emanate a stare at two pretty girls passing by. Who said it’s a ‘not so interesting’ place.! Next, I would contemplate the side on my right and that is when I almost got lurched when I encountered the sudden sight of this woman begging, knocking on my window shield. She had a baby with her as well. She appeared awful& battered. It certainly appeared it wasn’t easy for the destitute woman & the child to fend for themselves and survive.

Her eyes had a story to tell, obviously ‘Poverty’ written all over it. I assume the eyes said – ‘ Look at me struggle in this heat. Homeless I am. I make a day with no more than what u spend on a single meal. And look at the pathetic state of my baby. Please donate something’.
Almost oblivious of her presence , staring at her, I was lost in another world of thoughts altogether. Assuming my silent stare to be supercilious ignorance her face began to wear a different look now. The story of her eyes was seeing twists now. I assume those eyes now said- ‘What is that stare all about? You rich, parsimonious people think about donating a negligible little amount so much.! How does it matter to you people anyway? What fulsomely atrocious people you are.! Curses to you’.

Well, if it was a month ago, I would have made a generous donation and felt ecstatic for having done a great deed. It was an article in a newspaper which ignited a thought on my perception towards beggars. I had read – Woman rent months’ old babies for begging to attract sympathy, which they hope materializes to ‘money’. How depressing.! That was when I took umbrage on beggars. Just a bunch of lazy brats is how I can describe them best now. Maybe the old are exceptions. I realize helping ‘beggars’ is different to helping the ‘poor’. I also realize that my past ‘apparent good deeds’ now reads as ‘Encouraging Beggary’.

Anyway back to the present, the woman still agonizingly staring, not willing to budge but yet hopeful. I downed the window shield hyping her hopes. But all I had in store was this innocent, irritating smile, the smile that I employ when I ask my dad for pocket money, the smile that pisses off one and all. If her eyes said stories, so did my smile. Done with the smile, unable to prevent a glance at the Mc.Donalds, with no more pretty girls to stare at, I drove off…..

Now tell me what should I do the next time a beggar approaches me...

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Oh Noo.....Not Again....




“Good Morning ! You can use the bathroom first today” said my smiling sister. My God ! I can’t handle such big surprises that early in the morning. For the first time in my life , I reached college with 30 mins for the bell. Then came the good news – “The last date for submission of assignments is extended by 2 days ”. For once I felt – “ The world is so nice , lecturers are so sweet & I’m so very lucky ”. I reached my classroom & as a routine walked up to the guy who is the topper of my class to kindle him off and said – “ Hey buddy, ask me if you have any doubts. I teach better than girls ”. With a Charlie Chaplin look on his face, he replied – “ Are you alright ? ” . I un-temptingly refrained to say – “ You egg-headed rascal . You minus the ‘ syllabus in your head ’ equals only a Papaya seed. (Wow, that was too complex even for me. But actually I always wanted to say such facts to him as he perpetually pisses me off). Then entered my lecturer with the ‘Examination Result Sheets’ . To my surprise, I was announced as the class topper this time. Elated I became. Everyone started clapping hands and I felt augmented & happy, though I always felt ‘clapping hands’ was a silly, childish gesture when I was on the other side.

I was over the moon & everything seemed so rosy-rosy. Just then I heard some weird sounds tickling my mind. I contemplated the sounds for a while only to end up shouting- “ Oh Shit , it’s my alarm & I’m still on the bed ”. I just couldn’t convince myself that it was all just a dream.

“ Oh Noo….. Not Again…”

“I’m using the bathroom first ” said my kind sister. Asusually, I reached college with just 5 mins for the bell. The last date for submission of assignments wasn’t delayed. Not for once I felt- “Such a battered world , lecturers are atrociously sulky & I’m ‘light years’ away from being lucky ”. I went straight to Mr.Topper and asked- “ Dude, completed the assignment? ”. He said- “ Ofcourse. Submitted yesterday itself. You didn’t ? Don’t worry, ma’am will screw you ”. My lips were rattling with countless special words. I recalled the ‘complex dialogue’ of my dream and said it straight. Before he could even understand it, ma’am (aka terrorist) stormed in with the results sheets in her hand. To my awful luck, I was right in her way when she almost bumped into me. It was then she realised that I’m a ‘not so favourite’ student of her & asked- “ Where is the assignment?”
“Kick my bad luck to the core” I thought but said “ I wrote it but forgot to get it” .
She wore this expression on her face which reflected a thousand synonyms of ‘Get Out’ .
She said- “ Haha, nice joke but an old joke. Get Out”.

So, that meant I had the privilage to visit the library, where I came up with this small, silly poem –

Sleeping in the bed cozy-cozy
Everything seemed so rosy-rosy
Entered into reality
Now everything looks hazy-hazy

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A Rendezvous (Out) Of Sorts ...

(After two emotional posts , another fiction, on a lighter side this time. )





Scene – Feb 14th , I am driving to my friend’s place and I’m already late by half an hour . My cell phone ringing , it was him ----

Me – “Hello ! ”

Him – “You still in the car ? ”

Me – “No, I’m running alongside it . ”

Him – “You must have reached here by now . I’m waiting . Where are you ? ”

Me – “On the way ”

Him – “Okay , where exactly are you ? ”

Me – “ In the car ”

Him – “ Okay , where’s the fuckin’ car ? ”

Me – “Street 29 . 2 mins ”

We hung up . I reached his home , found him and shook hands .

Me – “ Happy Valentines’ Day ..”

Him – “Happy Independence Day. You are single right? ”

Me – “Yup.Where’s your valentine ? ”

Him – “ With her valentine . I’m ‘ex’ now . ”

Me – “ Oh , where’s the party ? ”

Him – “You teasing me?? ”

Me – “ No , I don’t tease ‘betrayed bachelors’ u see . I only pity them . ”

Him – “ Shut Up ”

Me – “ Okay , what’s the reason you insisted me in coming here ?”

Him – “ Just a casual meeting over a cup of coffee ”

Me – “ It sounds like – Do me a favour and I’ll treat with you with coffee. ”

Him – “You are smart ”

Me – “ Well , I’m here to meet you , am I still smart ? ”

Him – “ Over Smart ”

Me – “ What can I do for you ? ”

Him – “ Dude , I flunked in 2 subjects . My mom literally blew steam into my ears whole night last night. ”

I was about to laugh out loud but for a gentleman I was , I din’t .

Me – “ So you aren’t joining us for the weekend picnic ? ”

Him – “ I want to, but you should convince my mom . ”

Me – “ No way . She is terror man, terror . How can I forget that day when she blew fire (not steam) when I wore a low waist jeans and stupidly gestured – ‘ It’s Fashion ’. I’m only glad that she din’t cane me .

Him – “Hey come on , please . One last favour for me , please .”

Me – “The fourth ‘last favour’. Okay , I shall try . ”

Him – “ One more thing ”

Me – “ Dangerous thing . What’s that ? ”

Him – “ I lied to her that you’ve flunked in 3 subjects. ”

Me – “ Dude , you are shit . Any other lie about me ? ”

Him – “Sorry . No . ”

We went in to meet her . There was something foreboding about this whole thing . Meanwhile , she was blasting at her cook . I heard her shout – “ Why is there less sweet in the sweet ? ” . Whatever that is . Finally , we entered the dragon , she saw me & we greeted each other .

His Mom – “ Looks like a ‘Failed Students’ conference . Can I know what is the agenda ? ”

Me – “ Nothing like that aunty . We are planning to go to Goa this weekend . Came for your permission . ”

His Mom – “ Oh , I thought he told me it’s to tirupathi ”

Oh shit . I was lost for bad words for my dear friend .

Me – “ Oh ya , Tirupathi ”

His Mom – “ Seems like your rehearsals din’t go right . I don’t like you people lying at me . ”

Me – “ Sorry aunty ”

His Mom – “ Okay , I’ll ask you one question . You answer me right now & I’ll consider about the permission . ”

After a minute’s pause

Me – “ Okay , go on. ”

His Mom – “ Where was my son last evening ? ”

Oh God , a liar what he was , I din’t have an idea as to what he had told his mother . I looked at his silly face wanting to kill him. I deduced that telling her “ I don’t know ” would be a safe bet .

Me – “ I don’t know aunty”

His Mom – “He said he was at your place for combined study and you yourself didn’t know about that. That’s Great . ” She continued “ No picnic , nothing . Liars . ”

Totally pissed off at his sillyness, his mother’s ‘adding insult to injury’ programme and my stupidness to go there in the first place , I drove back home .

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